


Benefits as Friends

by reallyquitegay



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cheating, Drunk Sex, Established Relationship, F/M, Humanstuck, I swear its not that bad, M/M, One Night Stands, Porn With Plot, Sloppy Makeouts, Smut, honestly just read this, oof, please, this took me almost a year
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2019-11-05 03:12:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17910905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallyquitegay/pseuds/reallyquitegay
Summary: When Feferi convinces her boyfriend, Eridan, to go to a party, she unknowingly ruined her own night. After the two of them, wasted on alcohol, get in a fight, she leaves hurriedly. Eridan wisely stays put, and spends his night with a boy whose girlfriend also left unexpectedly. (SMUT) - way better than it sounds I swear XDAlso yes this story is copied over on Fanfiction.net, that is also mine hahaThis will be,, chapters,,





	1. The Party

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably become some sort of series.
> 
> Y'all I've been writing this one for almost a year and I think I'm ready to post it. Please remember I was exhausted in Canada with three other roommates screaming at 1 am when I came up with this idea.
> 
> Bare with me.
> 
> I'll probably make this a chapter fic? Yeah.
> 
> (ALSO SAME PERSON FROM FANFICTION.NET, I DIDNT STEAL THE STORY I OWN BOTH ACCOUNTS)
> 
> *Disclaimer* in this world i took away sexuality ig. like, people dont have opinions on it. its not even called something its like liking a certain color. yeet.
> 
> Also this is my first post on this site. Please enjoy uwu (ew i hate that word)
> 
> -reallyquitegay

"No. You are not getting me to leave this house to go to a... a... a social gathering of drunk ass horny people trying to get some. How dare you even attempt to convince me, perfectly well aware that I'd say no?!"

Feferi smiled at her boyfriend. All she had suggested was that they went out for the night just to relieve some stress from work. Having only been a year out of college, the real world wasn't necessarily paradise so far. They had to deal with taxes and groceries and rent and repaying student loans, it was just a lot. To get by they had to work almost day and night, making Eridan even more uptight than he already was.

Hearing that one of their friends from college, Terezi Pyrope, was throwing a party, she figured it was worth a shot to ask Eridan to go. It seemed to be the perfect way to relieve some stress. But instead, here he was, somehow getting even more stressed. She felt sort of bad, in a way. But in another way, she found the whole situation sort of silly.

"You are so fucking cute, in all honesty, but your going."

He growled. "If you don't stop pestering me this second, I'm going to..." he paused to think. "I'm going to... banish you from this house! Yep! That's right! Straight out the door!

There was a pause in their conversation, then Feferi started laughing.

"Banish me?" she cried through giggles. "Seriously, that's a stretch, even for you."

"Um..." he muttered, looking at the ground. He started to try to say something, but it all came out in a rush of words that made no sense together.

Feferi smiled, eyes twinkling. "Eridan."

He looked back up.

"Hey, it's going to be fine, alright? What's the worst that could happen?" she took his hand in her's as she spoke.

He shrugged. "We could die from alcohol poisoning, one of us could get sick, some guy will take you, I don't know."

Feferi put her other hand on his shoulder. "You really think someone is going to like... sweep me away or something? Terezi knows tons of people, I'm sure it'll be impossible for someone to even get far with me before someone else notices."

He smiled. "Huh, you're probably right. It's Terezi, for fuck's sake."

"So... you're going?"

He let go of her hand. "As long as you promise not to get kidnapped."

She laughed (holy fuck she was so perfect), "I promise."

"Good."

She closed the distance between the two of them with a short but sweet kiss to the lips. "We leave at 9."

 

The two of them pulled up to Terezi's house, taking in the sight.

"She certainly lives in... style," Feferi noted.

Unlike them, she found a way to buy an actual house, not just an apartment. But it wasn't just any house, it was a two story, almost medieval looking, mansion for fuck's sake (okay, maybe that's a bit of an overstatement). The point is, her house was huge.

"Are you ready?" Feferi said, a grin already appearing on her face.

"I don't know Fef... it's a lot."

"C'mon, it'll be like a get together... with a lot of other people, too. I'm sure it'll be fine."

He sighed but got out of the car anyways. "Let's go."

As soon as they got to the entrance, Terezi appeared in the doorway. "Hey!" she yelled out, running towards them. "Holy fucking shit! I haven't seen you guys in like... like..."

"Like a year."

"...Like a year!"

Feferi rolled her eyes playfully. "How much did you drink? It's only nine, you know. Save enough soberness for later."

Terezi stretched, almost like she was trying to show herself off, "I'm not that drunk," she protested.

"Sure, just don't overdo it, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure thing. Fuck," she twirled around and entered her house, with Eridan and Feferi right behind her.

The house all together was pretty dark, but it was lit with fairy lights and pumping music that made the floor shake. People were scattered everywhere, some having civilized conversations, and others trying to see how many shots they could take without passing out. Some people were dancing with a partner, while other people just sat and watched from the sidelines, alone.

"Holy shit," Eridan mumbled. "There's a ton of people here."

"And...?"

"And... it's not actually that bad."

Almost as soon as he finished his sentence, she grabbed his arm and pulled him off into the mix of the people who were dancing. "Maybe this could be a way to get hyped first." Before he could respond, she started dancing. And... damn.

She wasn't doing anything barely, just swinging her hips and lip syncing to lyrics, yet she still left him speechless. She seemed so confident and sure of herself, like she almost knew she was perfect but was trying to be modest about it. Not that it mattered, but it certainly did help that she had the definition of what some would call "a beach body". With flowy curves, a beautiful face, and a confident smile as the cherry on the top, she was more than enough to take his breath away.

"Eridan," she giggled.

"Huh?"

"Dance."

Until then he hadn't even realized that he was standing completely still in a hoard of dancers, looking like a fucking idiot. "Oh, um..." Not knowing what to do, really, he just kinda started following the moves of the guys around him... terribly.

She snorted at his attempt, causing him to laugh and sort of fall forward, catching himself on her shoulders. "Maybe just standing there would've been better," he said.

"Yeah, maybe."

She waited a few seconds for him to take his hands off of her shoulders, but he didn't budge.

"You know you can... move, right?"

He hesitated. "Yeah, I know," he said quietly.

"At least put your hands somewhere so that I can actually move, we aren't necessarily slow dancing."

He nodded and placed his hands on her waist instead. She again, started dancing, moving herself to the beat, being absolutely flawless, once again. He could feel her movements, which made it all the more enjoyable. As if it couldn't get any better, she pulled him in closer so that they were practically nose to nose. He stared straight into her ocean blue eyes, wondering how in the world could something be so beautiful.

"Hi," she grinned.

"Hi."

She then suddenly stopped dancing. Before he could question it, she locked lips with him, throwing her arms around his neck. Although he didn't expect it, he certainly didn't reject it. One of her hands began to run through his hair (because it was so fucking soft somehow, every single goddamn day) and the other gripped at his shirt. She wanted to rip it off of him, not even caring that they were surrounded by other people. She just wanted him, she wanted him to be actually happy, she wanted him to be with her every day, and in the moment, goddamn she wanted him to put his hands somewhere a little more interesting. It was almost like he was afraid to make a wrong move, as if it would all go away somehow.

She pulled back, taking a moment to catch her breath. "Do I really have to spell everything out for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"This isn't like... a 'first date' kind of thing. You don't have to be all scared or whatever about not doing something I like."

"I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, you know? Plus it's like... we're in public and all."

She sighed. "Well then I'll just goddamn tell you that, how about it? If I don't like something you're doing, I'll be like, 'hey, stop', you know? Same goes the other way around. What's so different about making out here then making out at home? And if it's because of the whole 'public' thing, I don't think this counts as public. Everyone here is either high or drunk, and they don't really care about anything going on around them. Heck I could just, like... throw my top off and nobody would give a shit. In fact-" almost to prove a point, but mostly to get him more excited (maybe enough that he'll do something), she pulled her top off over her head. All she was wearing under it was a bralette. Tying her shirt around her waist, she looked around. "You see? Nobody gives a shit."

He kind of coughed, "Um, so, what do you necessarily want me to do?"

"Whatever you want," she shrugged. "Within reason."

Slowly but surely, he put one hand on her now bare waist and the other on her cheek. He watched her for any change of expression, but when he found none, thought fuck it, and just went for it. She made a small noise in the back of her throat out of surprise as their lips collided together, then wrapped her arms around him again. They were so close that it almost seemed like they were trying to mesh their bodies together to make one.

He moved the hand on her waist to the small of her back. She began to bite at his lip needingly. Even though it sort of hurt, it hurt in the best kind of way. She was practically putting herself all over him, grabbing at whatever piece of clothing she could find. She slipped a hand up his shirt, leaning against his chest. In response, he started to play with the black lace on her bralette.

Running out of breath, the two of them put their heads together, unlocking lips.

"Fef," he panted.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

She smiled. "I love you, too."

They stayed that way for a few seconds before she suggested that they at least get something to drink. Nodding, he left her to dance and went over to the "punch" (that was, knowing Terezi, flooded with booze).

Looking around, he noted all the other people that were there. Of course there were some familiar faces, but none that he would especially like to talk to. Then of course, there were some interesting strangers scattered around.

An angry looking boy with dark hair stood in the corner, drink in hand, rolling his eyes at seemingly nothing. He was eyeing down anyone who looked at him, as if he was going to hit anyone who came within a five foot radius. Eridan tried to remember to stay away from him.

Near the door, Terezi was talking with a tall, menacing girl. She had her leg up against her, and there seemed to be almost some sort of a connection. He would warn her not to do anything stupid while drunk, but that was sort of a Terezi thing: doing stupid things while drunk. He watched for a moment longer as the girl started creeping closer to his friend like a fucking spider. God.

Halfway across the room, he spotted a boy with prosthetics pretty much pinned against the wall by a taller boy, who seemed kind of stoned (although the first boy himself definitely wasn't sober, either). The taller one seemed to have a pretty strong hold on him, which wasn't necessarily the best sign ever. Eridan was about to go over to maybe help somehow, but the prosthetics kid had grabbed his face and started making out with him. Oh, okay, he thought.

Shifting his gaze a little bit, he realized that another boy was flat out staring at them, anger coating his eyes. He was obviously drunk and jealous, and the only thing really holding him back was a smaller girl that clung to him like a pet. If she wasn't there, he could perfectly imagine him separating the two forcibly and making out with the taller one on his own.

Well, he was glad to God that the girl was there.

On Terezi's couch, another girl dressed in poised clothing was passed out with a still dripping cup in her hand. Well, some people just can't take their alcohol.

Finally, his eyes landed on an obvious couple. A boy and a girl, their conversation strung together so neatly that they were either both sober or they could both handle the "punch" really, really well.

The girl had long, red hair that cascaded down her back and lucious, brown eyes that showed nothing but intelligence and manners. Her clothes were attractive, but not skimpy, and her expression was nonetheless interested in whatever they were talking about.

And the boy... the boy was definitely... something else. Eridan's heart skipped a beat as he found himself staring at him, wondering how someone could even be so attractive. Blond hair and a soothing smile all contributed to his looks, making him just wonder what in the world his name was. He wore a hoodie and jeans- casual.

The girl had closed the distance between them, and Eridan forced himself to look away. No, no, no, his voice echoed in his head. This will not happen. He's not even, like, available. Then again, oh shit, neither am I. Feferi, right? Feferi, Feferi, Feferi.

He smiled thinking about her as he got both of them some punch. Of course it's Feferi. It's always Feferi. I'm her's, she's mine. I just have to... stop looking at people other than her. Yep, that's it. Stop it.

Yet, of course, as he started walking back to Feferi, he stole another look at the boy. He figured he'd just get drunk enough that the wrong feelings he gave him might just... go away. Apparently, he had been looking long enough, and the girl shot him a piercing glare.

"Damn," he said out loud. "Okay."

He returned to Feferi, handing her her drink.

"What took you so long?" she asked.

"Oh, just... looking around at the people. There are some strange characters here," Eridan stated.

She was quiet for a moment, then said, "Well, cheers?"

"To what?"

"To us."

He smiled, because how can someone so sweet and so pretty actually exist, and how did she fucking fall in love with him? Anyways, who was he to question these types of things? He raised his cup up.

"Cheers."

"Cheers."

 

Both Eridan and Feferi were about six cups deep into drunkenness, equal to the rest of the party-goers. They had separated after a while, Feferi to go find Terezi, leaving Eridan pretty much alone, that is, until a girl came running up to him.

He almost instantly recognized her as the girl clinging to the other boy before, the one who was watching the other two make out with jealousy. Before he knew it, he was practically face to face with her.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed. She was just... there. It was like she had appeared out of thin air.

"Hi!" she greeted, voice unreasonably high-pitched. "I'm Nepeta."

"I'm... Eridan."

She laughed. "Eri...dan," she mumbled to herself. Either she was high or she had had far too many cups.

He found himself laughing back for some odd reason. "What did you want, Nepeta?"

"Oh, right!" she paused for a moment, as if she forgot what she was going to ask. "My friends and I are gonna take some shots, we were wondering if you wanted to join."

"Why me?"

"Because, you can't really take shots with only four people, what's the fun in that?" she hiccuped. "The minimum is like, five."

"Shots, huh?" He was already starting to feel pretty light-headed and his vision was starting to get a little cloudy. Not to mention, it wasn't like his stomach was all like thank you for this poison, I will definitely not make you vomit it back up in the morning. But it was all just so addicting. Plus, it was one night. Maybe one night he could just waste it all, just like Feferi wanted. Feferi. Where was Feferi...?

"Yeah!" she pointed to a table where her friends were, the three boys from before: the jealous one, the tall one, and the kid with the prosthetics. Seemed fair enough.

"Sure," he shrugged. Fuck he was going to regret this in the morning (but who cares?).

Nepeta led him over to the three, reclaiming her seat next to that one boy.

"This is Eridan," she said. "Equius," she pointed to the one she was clinging to, "Gamzee," the tall one, "and that one's Tavros," the prosthetics boy. She started laughing again. "Taaaaavros Nitram, isn't that right?"

He nodded sort of awkwardly. "Um...yeah. Yeah, that is right."

Equius pulled out a bottle of straight up vodka and shot glasses from under the table.

"Where the hell did you get that from?" Eridan asked.

"Terezi," he shrugged.

"And... who will go first?"

"We all will. All together first, then one at a time, make sense?"

He hesitated, "Yeah."

As Equius and Nepeta started filling up the glasses, Eridan turned to Gamzee and Tavros. "So, hi."

Tavros jumped out of some dream-like state, and said impossibly quickly, "Hi!"

Gamzee just looked at him for a moment with extreme confusion, then he made some realization in his head, saying oh to himself. Then he looked back at Eridan and responded solidly, "Yes."

Tavros turned to him, his expression unreadable. "You idiot."

He frowned. "Sorry, motherfucker. He was asking a question, right? Or was he not..."

Tavros paused, then started rambling on, "Oh wait, I'm sorry. Wait no, that wasn't nice. No, no, fuck. You can exceed in life if you're mean to people, you know. You really can't. Then you're mean to yourself and then it all goes downhill from there. But you're not an idiot. I'm sorry, I really am. Oh my god, oh my god, I'm really, really sorry-"

Gamzee just sort of looked at him, not understand a word he was saying.

"-this is so bad, you know? I'm such a mean person. I'm such a bad person, I'm an asshole. I shouldn't have said that! I love you, I actually do! It's like, now it seems like I don't but you see, I do. I love you and I feel like now you're just not going to like me because I said that which I really shouldn't have, that's really not like me. It won't get me anywhere in life-" he cut himself off because he was beginning to cry.

Gamzee almost immediately put his arms around him, "I don't think either of us will like... remember a motherfucking thing the day after tonight."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. So, it's okay, I forgive you."

Tavros just started to cry harder. "Yeah but... you're too nice. People are so judgemental, but you aren't. And I love you. I really do, and you forgave me, proving you're really nice. And I also love you."

"Then why are you crying?"

He choked on tears. "Because I love you."

"I love you, too."

Eridan just stared at the two of them, wondering exactly what the hell was happening.

"Hey, Tavros!" Nepeta leaned across the table and handed him a shot. "It'll make you feel a whole lot better, right?"

He shrugged and took the shot, instantly cringing afterwards. Nepeta cheered, taking a shot herself. Eridan did the same, because why the hell not and holy fuck vodka is strong. He closed his eyes and waited for the wave of pain to pass, then burst out laughing as soon as he did. Great.

Just great.

 

Each of them were God knows how many shots in, and things were kind of going to hell. Nepeta was off the walls, screaming nonsense and meowing like there was no tomorrow. Equius was holding her back like a parent, but obviously wasn't doing so well himself. He was muttering his inner monologue out loud, and as far as Eridan was concerned, the use of the word strong was overused.

Tavros was sitting across Gamzee's lap, sputtering out some story that made little to no sense. Gamzee's demeanor hadn't really changed much, probably because he was already extremely drunk/high to begin with.

To, Eridan, everything was like a blur, and time seemed to be moving slower. But, who gives a shit, he would pay for the consequences in the morning. For the night, he knew he should take all the opportunities he could. Hell, you're only 23 once.

He looked over to that boy, the blond he had been interested in earlier. Somehow, looking through drunk eyes, he was even more attractive. Yet, his girlfriend was still there. Fuck.

"I give up," Equius exclaimed, letting go of Nepeta so that she ran straight into the wall. Instead of expressing pain, she just kept laughing and started dancing.

"Not that strong, huh?" Gamzee raised an eyebrow.

Equius shook his head. "No. I'm still as strong as ever. It's just, why waste my strongness, on, uh... something so worthless?"

Tavros entered the conversation. "I don't understand why it's so important to be so strong. I mean, if we're all truly equal, then why do we have to fight? Why make up words like 'strong' and 'weak'? It makes no sense! Theoretically speaking, I bet that I am as strong as you, and I just don't know it."

"Uh, well..." Equius rubbed the back of his neck. "Not really."

Gamzee looked down at him with a stone-cold expression. "Motherfucker. I could actually take off your legs and run away with them. Sorry, but you aren't that strong, Tavbro."

Tavros shrugged, putting his head down.

"No offense, Tavros, but you see, there's no limit to my strongness." Equius turned to Gamzee, "You see, I could easily just break you in half."

Gamzee stared at him.

"... Not that I really would, but if I really wanted to I could. But I won't. Trust me. That wasn't really how I meant to say it-"

"-Just kiss him already!" Nepeta cut him off.

Equius hesitated, then leaned over the table to lock lips with Gamzee. Gamzee paused for a moment, but then just went with it. Eridan let his jaw drop because holy shit what the actual hell. And Tavros. Tavros seemed to be oblivious to all that was happening, which is probably for the better.

Equius stopped to throw off his glasses, then went right back in for it. Eridan could sense possibly years of sexual frustration and one-sided crushing was built into the kiss. And for Gamzee, he just seemed like he didn't know what else to do than to kiss back.

Eridan again looked back at the blond boy. What would it feel like to... kiss him? Probably like straight up heaven, he guessed. He could imagine himself just fully emerged in a makeout session with him that the entire world was blocked out. That girl, his girlfriend, was so fucking fortunate, whether she knew it or not.

Nepeta reached to take another shot, but passed out before she could pour it, landing on the ground with a thump.

"Oh fuck," Eridan said out loud.

Equius jumped back and picked her off of the ground, along with his glasses. "Um..." he laughed nervously, "we should probably be getting going. Calling an Uber, though. So... yeah." He then raced out of the party, carrying Nepeta as if she weighed nothing.

As if Nepeta's fall had somehow woken him from a trance, Eridan suddenly remembered Feferi, like she was just some irrelevant part of his life.

"Fef," he said aloud. "Oh god damnit, Feferi?"

Gamzee looked at him questionably.

"My girlfriend," he sighed. At least through his clouded and drunken thoughts he could remember that detail. God, he had been sitting there, the entire time, admiring some boy (a boy he didn't even know, mind you), while forgetting that he had a fucking girlfriend!

He stood up from his seat quickly, accidently knocking over the chair. She was going to find... Terezi, right? And Terezi was usually near the door, so...

Pushing through all the people, and occasionally leaning on someone to make sure he didn't lose his balance, he found both Terezi and Feferi at the front door, chatting up a storm. As he got closer, he realized that Terezi had her leg up against Feferi, who seemed to be complimenting her like crazy. Her tone of voice was lower, as if she was flirting with her. He felt a twinge of pain in his chest. That was... technically cheating, right? And, of course Feferi was drunk, but then again, so was he (and at least he wasn't acting on his feelings for that other boy). So yes, she was cheating. It definitely counted in his drunken mind, and he was going to do something about it.

He walked right up to her, grabbing her arm and pulling her to the side, causing Terezi to trip since no one was really holding her up anymore.

"What the actual fuck?" he cried.

"What?! We were just talking," she shrugged.

He laughed. "Uh-huh, yeah. 'Just talking', okay. Then exactly why were you flirting with her?!"

"She has good legs! Is it that wrong of me to tell her that she has great legs? Besides, it all just suddenly happened. She was against me and I was against her and it was so fucking good because she's good at this stuff, you know? I couldn't really help myself from telling her what she had good..." she continued to ramble on, making up excuses that just sounded more and more terrible as she spoke.

He stared at her, wondering if he really should be mad. On one hand, she was drunk, and he was already planning on kind of doing the same thing. But on the other hand, there's really no good reason for her doing what she was doing. She was standing there, trying to make everything better by telling worse and worse lies. Goddamn her pretty face. She was a cheater, wasn't she? She probably never even loved him. She just stands there, looking pretty, making people fall in love with her. Maybe others would stop staring at her all the time if she wasn't so attractive. Maybe she would stop finding people to flirt with while drunk if he just knocked that ravishing smile off of her face. Hell, what kind of lunatic smiles while being accused of cheating?

Maybe that's what he'll do.

His mind being all tied up on alcohol, he didn't even know what he really did until after he did. And Feferi was crying. And half the people in the room were staring at him.

"Oh fucking shit!" he whispered to himself. Did he actually slap her? Goddamnit he knew coming to the party would be a bad idea, and so was taking shots, and so was getting mad, and so was looking at the boy.

"Look, Fef, I'm sorry-" he tried to apologize to her, but she turned and ran out the door before he could finish his sentence. He was left with Terezi, just standing there, watching him with an unreadable expression.

"...Don't worry," she said slowly. "I'll call her an Uber."

He sighed. "How badly did I fuck this up?"

"Pretty bad. You should probably just stay here for now."

He rolled his eyes. "Well, fuck you, too."

 

It had been about half an hour since Feferi ran out, and Eridan honestly just wanted to die. He had questioned to himself why over and over again, so much that the word started to sound like nonsense. He had just went back to sit with Tavros and Gamzee, which might had not been the best idea.

Gamzee had actually cheated, yet Tavros didn't seem to give a shit. Hell, Feferi had only been talking, at least she wasn't making out with someone else. Then again, Tavros and Gamzee were probably so high/drunk that they sort of knew that they wouldn't remember anything the next day, so why not.

Then again, Tavros' flexibility certainly didn't help Eridan's mood. One moment he was watching his boyfriend go at it with someone else, the next, he was kissing him. For real. They hadn't stopped their make out for at least five minutes, and Eridan was getting sick and tired of it. He was just sitting there, staring at them with complete and utter boredom in his eyes.

All of a sudden, he felt someone tapping on his shoulder. Jumping up, he turned to see the blond boy smiling at him with sympathy. And he fucking gagged.

"Holy shit.." the boy said. "..Are you okay?"

"No," he gagged. "Obviously not."

"Do you.. need something?" he seemed concerned.

"Uh.. um no. No, thank you. It's fine, I'm fine."

The boy. Not only was he nice and straight up beautiful, there was something else about his appearance that Eridan couldn't really see from a distance.

It was his eyes. His left eye was hazel, bits of emerald and oak and maybe a little red painted in it. His right eye was blue, deep like the ocean yet soft enough to resemble a lake. Together, they were just unbearably alluring that it made him just want to throw up.

"Oh.. Did they scare you?" he sounded kind of hurt, but as if he was expecting that sort of reaction. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm not sick, I was born with them like this. It's sort of a.. mutation," he muttered the last part.

Eridan caught his breath. "No! No, they didn't scare me, it was just sort of a surprise, you know?"

The boy shrugged.

"...And not that surprises are bad! They can be really good, yeah? Like really, really good." His voice trailed off.

They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds before the boy looked down at his shoes and began speaking again. "It's called heterochromia iridum, just in case you wanted to know. It's genetic."

He nodded, "Cool."

The blond clasped his hands together. "As much as a conversation starter that is, I actually just came over here to say hi. And.. I'm sorry about your girl. And now I'm sorry that you have to watch these two go at it." he gestured over at Tavros and Gamzee who were still making out like there was no tomorrow. "Do.. they have unlimited breath capacity?-"

"-I don't know-"

"-Yeah. Anyways, I guess I'll just start with this." He held out his hand. "Hi. I'm Sollux."

"Eridan." They shook hands, almost hesitating to let go afterwards. Eridan looked at Sollux before trying to look around for his girlfriend. "I know where Fef went... but where did your girlfriend go? Assuming she's..."

"Aradia, yeah. We're dating. She's a real interesting person, actually. Sucks she settled on someone like me-"

"-Don't say that."

He looked at him questionably. "Okay.. Anyways, she felt 'sick' so she left."

"And you didn't go with her?"

He shook his head. "No. She told me to stay here. I normally trust her with those sort of things. It's all like, when Aradia tells you to do something, you do it. She's mostly right about everything. She told me not to leave, so I'm not leaving."

Eridan shrugged. "Fair enough."

Sollux smiled. "Yeah. And hey, about your girlfriend, I really am sorry about that. Instead of like.. soaking in all the sadness, you want to get something to drink? Some crazed person found a bunch more bottles, no wonder Terezi's always so insane."

He laughed. "Probably. And sure."

If it had been anybody else, actually anybody else, he would've said no. He had already done too much harm from being drunk, plus, he was already passed the point he even wanted to be at. He didn't want to do anything else stupid. But then again, standing in front of him was the most attractive guy he had ever seen, actually asking him to get a drink with him. How could he say no?

He nodded. "Yeah, I figured. Didn't your girlfriend kind of drag you here purposely to get drunk or something?"

Eridan cocked his head. "Yeah… how did you know that?"

He shrugged. "Just had a feeling."

"How the hell do you just have a feeling on something that oddly specific?"

"I don't know, it just happens sometimes. Please don't question it, there's a lot of things wrong with me."

He tried not to choke again. "No, there's not. There's really not. It's… really cool, in fact. It's all, like, really interesting."

Sollux crossed his arms. "You don't even know me."

"Which makes my opinion all the more important."

He nodded. "Okay, okay, fine. Let's just.. get some drinks. This spider-bitch girl found like, five bottles in the cabinets. We can talk about our life stories then."

Eridan grinned to himself. "Sure." He stood up, and started to follow him to this so-called "spider-bitch", but someone caught his arm. He turned around quickly to see Gamzee staring up at him with blown pupils and Tavros still clinging to him. "What the fuck do you want?"

"You need anything, motherfucker?"

"What do you mean?"

He looked between him and Sollux. "You know…"

Eridan rolled his eyes. He had only known Gamzee for a few hours, and he was already sick of him. "We are not going to…" his voice trailed off. "Fuck. We're not going to do that shit, okay?"

Gamzee shrugged. "Okay. But you motherfucking are."

He groaned. "Jegus. I have a girlfriend."

"No one's going to remember anything the day after tonight."

"Mmm, that's called tommorow," Tavros muttered, biting at his jaw.

Eridan began walking away with Sollux at his heels. "Fuck you." He turned to the blond. "Now where is this girl?"

 

The two had in fact, found the so-called "spider-bitch"; she was the same girl who was clinging to Terezi earlier on in the night. Long-story-short, Eridan wasn't overwhelmed by excitement to talk with her, so he let Sollux make the interaction. They had began drinking, sparking conversation.

"So what other things are 'wrong with you'?" Eridan asked.

He closed his eyes and ran his hands over his face. "Oh God, I really thought we dropped this subject."

"I'm just wondering. You don't seem crazy."

He laughed. "Yeah, and in a way, that's the worst part. For starters, I was practically born with fangs, like a fucking vampire."

"And that's bad because…?" he raised his eyebrows.

"..Because I had this really bad lisp. They finally took them out when I was thirteen, which was a major relief. I couldn't even pronounce my own name."

Eridan leaned back against the wall. "Oh, okay, I'm sorry. That sounds shitty. If it makes you feel any better, I had this strange-ass speech impediment and had to go to speech therapy for years."

Sollux laughed. "Glad I'm not alone in this struggle to speak like a normal person."

He beamed, looking at him. He was just so beautiful. Hell, the overused word itself was an understatement. Then again, he himself was drunk, and obviously wasn't thinking straight. Literally.

As they continued speaking, they both slipped farther and farther out of soberness. Maybe it was just for the better, though. Maybe that's what was supposed to happen.

"I honestly don't understand how some people can't swim. It's just so strange, right? The fact that some people can't swim?" Eridan questioned, a giddy smile lit up on his drunken face.

Sollux nodded eagerly. "It's also weird as fuck that nobody can fly. Like.. we live in air, yet we can't really move in it. Then water comes in, and all of a sudden 2/3rds of the population of people in the world can defy gravity in it. It's not understandable."

He seemed aghast. "Oh shit, I've never really thought about that. You're right. It's physics, correct?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Aradia once told me about the physics behind it, but I can't necessarily remember what she said. She talks about a lot of deep things, which is pretty interesting. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a person for her to vent her cosmic theories to."

He frowned. "She loves you, though, doesn't she?"

"That's what she insists. Once you really get to know her though, she's real fun. But in public, she acts all cryptic. I don't know what that's all about."

Eridan shrugged. "Maybe she knows more than she feels like she should."

"Don't we all."

He didn't respond that time, he just sat there, looking at him. In that exact moment, the angelic shine of the fairy lights lit up his face. A strip of light painted his cobalt blue eye, making it shine. His hair was messed up from the amount of times he had ran his hand through it and his lips seemed so soft that Eridan just wanted to kiss them (drunken mind, drunken mind, drunken mind). The shadows casted on his face complemented his nose and cheekbones, making them seem even more alluring than they already were. Seeing Eridan staring at him, smiling like an idiot again, he grinned. His eyes lit up as he flashed pearly white teeth. Holy fuck how could one person be so fucking perfect?

Both of them stepped a little closer, just for the hell of it.

Sollux began noticing the smaller things about Eridan that he hadn't thought about previously. Obviously, he had taken note of the royal purple mixed in with his natural dark hair and the black glasses that he wore over his amber eyes, but he hadn't really thought about the other things. He hadn't noticed the freckles kissing his cheeks, or how his hair curled around his ear softly. He hadn't noticed the way that he would bite on his lip (whether he knew it or not), or how his hands were bejeweled in rings. He looked like a king.

The air around them was empty without words as the two couldn't pry their eyes off of each other. Without really knowing what was happening, they were one step closer; so close that their noses were practically touching.

Eridan closed his eyes, his heart thumping in his chest. Even though conversations carried throughout the room, the world seemed to become silent. His foggy mind was full of thoughts, yet none of them seemed to make sense. Not knowing what to do, he said the first thing that came to mind.

"Kiss me."

Sollux nodded and closed the distance.

As their lips touched, Eridan wanted to scream. There was no way this was happening. It all must be some sort of alcohol-induced hallucination, right? It couldn't be anything else. Then again... if it was just a hallucination, why not take it for granted?

He kissed back harder, loving the way that he was smiling into it, loving the way his eyelashes felt against his face, and loving how soft his lips were. Everything was just so perfect he forgot that they both weren't single.

Sollux put a hand on Eridan's back, pulling him in closer. He tasted like booze (which was reasonable), and whether he knew it or not, he was making low humming noises in the back of his throat. Sollux, determined to make him hum louder, put his hand on Eridan's thigh, pulling his leg up so that it was wrapped around his waist. Sure enough, the shorter one let out a groan and bit at his lip.

Eridan just couldn't seem to get enough of him. He put a hand on his neck, smirking at the way the blond shuttered at the coldness of his rings. It was almost too much to bear. Almost. He was practically wrapped around the most attractive boy in the room, kissing him. Nothing in the world could be better than what he was doing at that exact moment. All of a sudden, the other pulled back a little and began to run his fingers through his hair.

"Why are you...?"

He shrugged and met his eyes. "It's just so soft. And so cool. How long did it take?"

Eridan looked at him questionably.

"The dye. How long did it take to dye it?"

He shrugged. "Not long actually. I just put it in wherever and went for it. It kinda came out messy, though."

"I like it."

"I like your eyes."

He exhaled. "We are not going to talk about this again.. right?"

Instead of responding, Eridan just wrapped his arms around him and crashed their lips together again. He tasted like honey, sweet yet smoky, and his lips were as soft as silk. He managed to find the exact spot in his mouth where his "fangs" must have been. For a moment, he remembered being a little kid and playing with the empty space in his mouth after he lost a tooth. So that's what he did, he used his tongue to play with that space.

Sollux pulled away for a moment, then proceeded to bite at his jaw and holy fuck the endorphins were real at that point. He tried his best not to groan out of satisfaction, but sort of failed. What came out was a strangled-ass moan that made him cringe inwardly. However, it all felt so good that he just couldn't help himself.

"How... the fuck... are you... so fucking good at this?" he murmured between breaths.

"'Not completely sure."

"I mean, do they have like a goddamn school for this kind of- fuck," he sighed as the other began to bite at the junction between his neck and jaw. It just felt so fucking good. He was starting to lose every bit of dignity with this boy.

"You're really fucking cute," Sollux commented, putting his hand back on Eridan's thigh that was wrapped around his waist, earning a lustful groan. How the hell can someone be so adorable, he thought. It's not even funny. He's just like.. breaking apart right here. With me. Oh my fucking lord this is gold.

The angry boy with the piercing glare who was previously standing in the corner coughed loudly. "GET A ROOM!" he said, not so subtly.

Eridan seemed completely tuned out to the world, so much so that he couldn't hear the boy's voice over the rush of blood in his ears. Sollux took control by lifting the other completely off of the ground so that both of his legs were wrapped around his body. They continued to make out for a moment longer before Eridan began to kiss his neck and shoulders instead. The blond groaned in pleasure, then carried him upstairs. He had Terezi's house practically memorized by that point from the amount of times that he and Aradia were invited over. That is to say, he knew where the bedroom nearest to the stairs was.

He made sure not to slam the door so that no one would suspect anything. Through his drunken mind, he somehow also remembered to lock it.

He threw the other down onto the bed and exhaled. "God, carrying an entire-ass guy up the stairs of a fucking.. fucking big house isn't really the easiest thing to do."(Mansion, Sollux. The word is mansion. But don't correct yourself now. Terezi doesn't even live in a mansion you fucking dumbass.)

Eridan ran a hand through his hair. "It's fine. I'm not strong for shit." He smiled then paused for a moment, thinking. "Wait, so, how far are we actually going to go with this?"

He shrugged. "As far as it goes? I mean, I'm drunk, you're drunk, the entire fucking world is drunk. Let's not like, murder each other or whatever, I guess."

"So... should we just keep making out?"

He smirked. "I mean yeah, if you want to."

Instead of responding, Eridan just crashed their lips together again. His heart raced in his chest as he felt hot blood warm his cheeks. It felt so fucking good, too fucking good. The idea of how someone could not only be so attractive, but so sexually talented surpassed him. Was this boy even taken or not? The alcohol had blocked out his memory and he wasn't even sure who he was anymore. All he knew was that he wanted more.

He crept his hands under the taller one's shirt, exploring his chest and spine and shoulders and waistline without even opening his eyes. He pulled back for a split second just to ask, "Can I?"

"Yeah."

"Nice."

In one (not so) swift movement, he pulled off the other's shirt, throwing it unceremoniously to the ground. Trailing his hands over his torso, Eridan, with a look of pure astonishment on his face, muttered, "I've got you here, shirtless in bed. This could not be any hotter, could it?"

Sollux laughed. "Hell yeah it could," he scoffed, re-attaching his mouth to the other's neck. Listening to the content hums, he put his hand under the other's shirt and tugged it off of him as well. Running his hand through the other's soft hair, he bit at his lip.

The two continued at that for a while before one (which one neither cared to nor even remembered) pulled back. They stared at each other for a quick moment of time, eyes wandering all over each-other's half naked body. Their hair was messed up already and in their face, although Eridan had reached forward to push the hair out of Sollux's in order to see his eyes.

Once they both caught their breath, they began to lean forward again, but stopped right before their lips touched. Their breathing came in unison, almost like a single strand of wind tunneling through their lungs, tying them together. The dark-haired one squeezed his eyes shut before pushing himself up so that he could straddle the other. The moment of tension lasted only a little bit longer before the blond spoke.

"Eridan."

He regained his voice. "Yeah?"

"Eridan?" he said again, rephrasing his name after realizing that the way he had previously said it was a little off. Fuck being drunk (the only good thing about being drunk is the drunk fucking).

"Mhm?"

"You clean?"

"Yeah." (honestly, he didn't remember. What he said was most likely true, though, because it came out as quickly and surely as a well-known monologue.) "You?"

He nodded. "One more thing."

"Hm?"

"If we're doing this, please tell me you're a bottom."

Eridan rubbed his hands over his face, as if comprehending words was the most difficult task of his life. Then all of a sudden, he leaned forward so that their noses were almost touching, grabbing the other one's shoulders tightly. "Of fucking course we're doing this," he grinned, surprisingly confident. "What did you think this would lead to? Us making out to just falling asleep or whatever? Oh hell no. There's a step in between that, and you know exactly what I'm talking about."

His voice dropped slightly.

"And for the second part, fuck me. Now."

"Holy shit," the blond whispered to himself, startled.

"Did I fucking stutter?"

In response, Sollux grabbed him and pulled him closer. "I would hope not, darling," he said, voice lowering in both volume and pitch. Eridan's eyes went wide for a split second, before grabbing the other by his shoulders and pulling him back down into a kiss. By then they were practically eating each other's faces. Yet it all felt good. It all felt so good.

Sollux almost expertly pulled off Eridan's belt and threw it to the side without even breaking the kiss. The dark haired one breathed a sigh of relief into his mouth, for he had only just realized how tightly he had previously put it on. He grinded upwards, causing the other to tense up and start biting at his bottom lip. Eridan groaned and leaned back slightly enough so he could throw his glasses off and start working off his pants. The blond, who was unbearably turned on by that point, found the entire process too slow and helped yank them off of him so that the other was left in his boxers. Not knowing necessarily what to do or what to say, he just muttered the word, "Hot."

None of it was really all that hot. They were both sloppy and drunk, but through their minds, the entire situation must have been the sexiest thing to ever occur.

They began to grind onto each other mercilessly, tongues entangling and teeth scraping lips. Eridan hummed into it once again, yet this time it wasn't quite a hum but more of a moan. He didn't know how to really describe the sensations running through his body at that moment, but they were all almost too good to bear. Yet somehow, he wanted more. Oh dear lord he wanted more. He attached his mouth to the junction between the other's shoulder and neck. He didn't know just what to do, so he just began to suck and bite at the skin, earning a groan. He felt hands run down his spine, giving him chills. Fingers played with the hems of his boxers. It felt like fucking heaven, yet fucking hell all at the same time. He kissed at his neck harder, grinding upwards. Eventually, he pulled back, looked the other boy straight in the eyes, and said, "Can't you just fuck me already?!"

As a response, Sollux roughly pinned him down to the bed. "You're sure you're clean?"

"Yes," he sighed.

The blond nodded, and then set to work on undoing his own jeans, hands shaking slightly. Pulling them off, he leaned back down for a kiss, a kiss that turned into a rough makeout full of lip-biting and moans. Eventually the two of them got rid of their boxers, and the rest was really quite a blur.

Five minutes later, they were both high on sleep, and Eridan was wrapped up in Sollux's arms. The door was still locked, their clothes still on the floor, the drunkenness still in their heads. However, only semi-aware of all three of those facts, they let their exhaustion consume them.

The consequences of the morning were only a soft, future memory as they drifted off into their dreams.

 

There's always a sort of nostalgic peacefulness late in the morning. Birds chirp and cry, workmen drive past the window, late for their morning commute, and elderly couples walk hand in hand alongside sidewalks painted with leaves.

That was the first thing Eridan noticed was wrong.

Being drowsy-eyed and weary late in the morning was different. His work usually called for him to come by earlier than rush-hour, so unless they had laid him off for some reason and Feferi had turned off the alarm, there was no reason for him to be waking up so late. It was concerning.

The second thing Eridan noticed was wrong was how the room had a sort of atmosphere that lead him to believe it was all off somehow, like he had somehow entered a parallel universe where the butterfly effect had shown itself effective.

Sitting up, he suddenly felt a pounding in his head and sickness pooling in his stomach. Groaning, he brought his knees to his chest and began to breathe a little heavily. The third thing he realized was wrong was that his knees were bare.

It was not like him to leave his legs exposed, for he tried to cover up as much as possible out of pure courtesy for others and self-loathing. However, as he realized that fact, he also realized that his entire body was bare.

All red flags were raised as he threw himself back under the covers, confusion dwelling in his weakened brain.

The room. The room was definitely not his. Definitely.

And if that wasn't enough, the arms he had just realized were wrapped around him were not Feferi's nor his own.

As he looked over at the other naked boy lying beside him, everything began to click.

He screamed.

He screamed like a bitch for a solid second or two, causing the other to wake up. The screaming felt as if it tore his vocal cords, and made a sharp jolt of pain run through his head. "SHIT!" he cried out, pressing his face into the pillow nearest to him. Everything suddenly hurt and fear alongside surprise had ran through his entire being as he determined that this is what it feels like to die.

The other groaned as his own hangover took hold of him, but as he turned to face Eridan, decided that finding out what happened was more important than wallowing in pain for the moment.

Placing a hand on the other's back, Sollux murmured, "Hey, it's okay." His voice felt sore, like all the muscles in his throat were tensing up too much, threatening to choke him from the inside out. "Don't, um, be scared or anything."

"It fucking hurts!" the other yelled, the volume making the blond tense up.

"I know... I think you're just hungover or something. I know I definitely am," he said, whispering the last part to himself.

Eridan rolled his eyes into the pillow. "Yeah, well that's not the only thing that hurts," his voice had gotten slightly quieter, yet loud enough to still make the two of them slightly uncomfortable for a moment by a pulsing headache.

Sollux, comprehending finally, lifted his hand off of Eridan's back, and muttered, "Oh. Oh shit. I'm sorry."

"Yeah?"

He nodded, nausea hitting him. "Yeah."

There was a long moment of awkwardness as they both held their breath, waiting who would make the next move. It was finally Eridan who did something. He sat up, and rubbed his face in his hands before asking, "What happened?"

"Huh?"

He shrugged, still not looking at him. "What happened last night? Fuck. What were we doing?"

Sollux, whose alcohol tolerance was unsurprisingly much higher than Eridan's, had an only semi-faded memory of the night before. As he thought about it, the details began to come to him as he connected the dots to put together a recognizable story. His breath hitched as it all came flooding back to him.

"We're at Terezi's house," he started, acknowledging the room. "She threw a party, and there was booze. I think we both got drunk on it and did some stupid things. I'm sorry."

"Stupid things?"

"Yeah? Like, we let impulse takeover or whatever. We agreed to do some things."

"Some things?"

"Oh come on, you know!" his voice stayed pretty quiet.

Eridan leaned his head back and sighed, guilt and pain in his head. "Oh my god. I can't fucking..." he cut himself off by throwing his face in his hands once more, shaking a little bit. "Did we, like, have sex?" he asked.

"I think so."

"I have a girlfriend!" Feferi clouded his vision, he wanted to cry.

"Yeah, well so do I!" Sollux pointed out.

"Feferi," Eridan muttered to himself. "Feferi, oh God. Where is she?"

"Your girlfriend? I think she's home."

"Home? Why the hell would she be home?!"

"Terezi.." his voice trailed off. Just bearing the bad news made him sick. "Do you really not remember any of this?"

He shook his head. "Not much."

"It'll come back to you eventually. But she.. she and Terezi were drunk and hitting it off and.. you got mad because she was cheating slightly.. and you hit her-"

"I WHAT?!" He screamed, causing the other to cry out in pain at the sudden volume. "Are you sure?!"

Sollux was silent for a moment as he closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. He brought his hands to his face and squeezed his knuckles shut, and brought his legs in closer to himself. "Holy shit," was the only thing he managed to say, quietly.

"What?" he asked, looking over at him for the first time that morning.

"Shut up," he muttered. His face turned white.

"Oh."

There was once again silence, and once the searing pain from his headache passed, Sollux sighed and said, "Yes. I'm sure. I remember it clear as day."

Eridan took a breath, yet his increasing heartbeat couldn't be stopped. Regret and despair and the feeling of loss consumed him as he almost started crying. Screw that, he was on the brink of tears. He had officially ruined things for himself between him and Feferi. It was over. The pit in his stomach grew as he remembered his hesitation about leaving the house the day before. If he had only stayed near Feferi, or perhaps, never went, he wouldn't have ended up so dead inside. His heart hurt. It all hurt. He hurt inside out. Emotions piled up in the back of his throat as he remembered that at the beginning of their relationship, she had asked if he would ever break her heart.

He said no.

He said we would never hurt her in any way shape or form.

That he would rather die without her.

That he was ready to put her first and keep her safe and protect her at all costs.

Yet he was the one to break her.

Before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face. He tried to wipe them away, but failed miserably. They just kept rolling down his cheeks.

"Oh jeez, don't cry," Sollux said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Feferi... She's going to be so broken."

"You both were drunk. It was an accident. Plus, that's all she knows. She doesn't know anything else. She thinks you got mad and hit her and is now sitting somewhere thinking the exact same thing as you."

He gasped for air for a moment. "Yeah, but I really cheated on her. Really."

"She doesn't need to know that. It can just be a secret. It was a drunken accident. I'm sure what she doesn't know can't hurt her."

He whined quietly, and suddenly the other remembered what he saw in him. "You're probably right. But that's some dirt on my conscious."

"Just tell her in a couple of months. It'll seem like nothing and you will probably laugh it off together."

He calmed down slightly, yet was still left shaking. He had been shivering slightly since the moment he had woken up. After taking a deep breath, he muttered, "What about your girlfriend?"

He shrugged. "She got 'sick'," he put in air quotes.

"What do you mean 'sick'?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "She gets these thoughts sometimes, thoughts that lead her to do things for the sake of the future or whatever. She always seems to know what needs to happen. If it's her leaving, it's her leaving."

"So, do you think she guessed that something like this was going to happen?"

He hesitated. "..Maybe. You never know." He paused, and then started laughing softly. "She is so fucking weird. But she's great. Everyone needs an Aradia in their life."

"Everyone needs a Feferi."

"Maybe everyone needs everyone."

He looked at him blankly, catching a glimpse of everything his drunken mind had previously seen. He could see how he could be attracted to such a boy. He was hot. He was really fucking hot. Guilt built up again as he looked away and laughed, "Otherwise there'd be no one."

"Hey-" Sollux said. "D'you remember those two guys before? The ones at the table?"

"Kind of... one had prosthetics?"

"Yeah. What the fuck was up with them?"

He couldn't help but smile. "They seemed either really fucked up or really high."

"I'm hoping to go with the latter."

The two of them laughed out of spite, and for once forgot everything again. They only remembered each other and not the pain through their heads or the worry through their hearts, but rather the boy sitting next to them. Eridan glanced over, heart stopping as he remembered his eyes. Sollux looked at him for a moment, before realizing that the both of them were still undressed. Trying to keep modesty, he stared at his bare shoulders, yet found himself staring at the hickeys on his neck. Without really thinking, he reached out and gently touched one of the marks on the other's skin. He admired it for a moment, realizing how full out they had really gone, but jerked his hand away once he caught Eridan's amber eyes.

They stayed awfully still for a solid minute, before Eridan put his hands on his shoulders. "I don't really blame myself for last night," he admitted. "It was so stupid, but at least my drunken mind had good taste."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. You really are pretty attractive, I'm not going to lie."

Sollux put his hands gently on Eridan's hips. "Look who's being sweet."

"Shut up. I'm just being honest."

"Glad to know," he smiled before closing the distance between the two of them.

Once again, they kissed. For two hungover strangers, it was with a strange type of passion that came with little to no hesitation. Sollux moved a hand up to his neck, causing the other to make a pretty loud groaning noise. They both stopped suddenly as Eridan pulled away.

"Shit shit shit shit shit," he shook his head repeatedly. He then hopped off the bed and began to pull on his clothes as quickly as possible. "We can't do this. We really can't. Or at least right now. Not now, no not now. I need to get back home. Apologize to Fef. I just need to fix things."

"Okay," Sollux said a little breathlessly, voice deep and quiet, making Eridan's heart skip a beat. He stopped in the middle of tugging on his pants, a sudden thought coming to him.

"I'm sorry, but what's your contact information?"

He looked at him, a little dazed. "What?"

"Your number. What's your number."

"Why do you need to know?"

He didn't speak, but instead stared at the ground. "Maybe incase I need help. With Fef."

"If you need help. With your girlfriend. Is that why you want my number?" he raised an eyebrow.

He sighed, shaking his head. There was a tension in the room, a heavy tension that led the silence to be the most powerful thing taking place. He opened his mouth several times as if he was about to speak, but always ended up closing it. After a solid two minutes, Sollux asked, "Does this even have anything to do with your girlfriend?" The brunet nodded. "Then what is it? Why do you want my number?"

After a ten second pause, Eridan looked up. He stared at the blond's body for a moment. He too had marks over his skin, and though his slim waist was still hidden under the blankets, he couldn't help but imagine what was under it. He skimmed his thin torso until he caught his eyes. Then, with firmness and seriousness, he admitted his reasoning. Voice low and dark, he said honestly,

"For when she's not home."

 

When he came into their house, the first thing he noticed was the eerie silence. Eridan felt as if he was home alone, but it's not like Feferi could have just left. Her shoes were still in the doorway, a hangover still haunting her head. She wouldn't have really left him in the span of one night, could she?

He bit at his nails and went upstairs to their room, unsure if he was more afraid to find her there or find her not there.

Sure enough, there she was sprawled across the bed, hair tangled, completely absorbed in the realm of sleep. He went over to her slowly, afraid to wake her up without meaning to. He reached out and intertwined his fingers with hers. Her hand was cold, yet soft. He leaned down to kiss it.

Such a sleeping beauty. Always.

After a solid minute or so, he let go of her and closed the blinds, turning off all the lights. The last thing you want the morning after a party is sunlight adding to your hangover. He had learned that the hard way.

He went back over to her and sat next to her sleeping form. He ran a hand through her hair, and whispered quietly, "Feferi?"

He repeated her name a few more times before she started to stir. He watched her tense up and wince at the upcoming pain of her hangover. "Shh..." he whispered as quietly as possible.

After a solid minute, she opened her eyes, pleasantly surprised at how dark the room was. She moved slowly, rubbing her eyes, before curling in towards him. He accepted her, taking hold of her hand and squeezing it lightly.

"You alright?" he whispered to her.

She nodded a little. "Fine." Her voice sounded hoarse.

The guilt bit at him, and he couldn't help but spit out, "I'm sorry, Fef. I really am."

"So am I."

He looked at her questionably. "What do you mean?"

"I mean… Terezi and I… It was stupid."

It's all so stupid, he couldn't help but think. "I didn't really want to…" he hesitated, trying to find the right words. "I don't remember much, if I'm honest. I didn't mean to actually hurt you, I don't think. It was in the moment. And dumb. And I regretted it even before I did it. I swear to God that it'll never happen again. Feferi, it was so stupid, and I love you, and-"

"-It's okay. Really," she cut him off. "I understand."

She pulled herself up so that she was sitting beside him. They sat in silence for a moment before she lay her head on his shoulder, a sign of affection.

She was always so affectionate. So sweet. So perfect. So beautiful, so nice, so cute, so everything someone would look for in a girl. And she was his. Yet he had given himself away. It may have been for one night, but the guilt felt like knives in his stomach. Just wait a few months.

She turned her head and kissed his neck sweetly. Thank God it was dark. He'd have to cover up the marks all over his body, but thankfully Feferi wasn't necessarily looking.

She kissed up his face until she got to his mouth. They locked lips, which felt so perfect as always. They fit. They fit like puzzle pieces. Their hands together, their lips together, it all just clicked into place.

Her lips. They were soft. They were almost as perfect as she was. He couldn't help but smile a little bit. He heard a little laugh coming from the back of her throat. It was all just too cute.

But then his memory flashed.

His lips. His kisses. His smiles.

It hurt to think about.

He was rougher. He knew what he wanted and how to get it. He could almost read his mind, knowing when and where to do every little thing.

She was sweet. He wanted to protect her from everything. He wanted to hold her, and kiss her, and let her know that the word "world" is more of an idea, a wonderful, life-long possession. He was her world.

But he still stuck in his mind. That guy, he left a feeling of protection lingering around him. The way he held him as tight as possible, the way he went fairly slow, even when drunk, the way he seemed to care and worship a boy he just met.

But it was all purely sexual. The emotions were endorphins. He longed for him for the sole reason that he was a great sexual partner. But there was nothing behind it.

Yet, his arms around him in the morning felt far too nice. A one-night-stand love is one thing, but it felt stronger. It felt as if he woke up cuddled next to a lover.

Maybe that's why he'd taken his number.

He pulled away from Feferi, and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too. Always." He could practically hear the smile in her voice.

He was ready to confess, ready to tell her everything, ready to break her heart and shatter her entire world. That is, if she hadn't kissed him again.

She kissed him and her lips were lie serum.

Her smile was the coating on top of a sunny day.

Her bright eyes were the stars in the dark room.

The dark room hiding the evidence against his lies.

Turning the lights on would hurt her, in more ways than one.

So he kept them off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well you got through the first chapter!!!!!!  
> Let's go bois!


	2. Pandora's Box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!  
> Thank you sm for the support on the first chapter! I promised a second one, so here you go ;)  
> Comments are appreciated.  
> I love y'all.  
> I'm exhausted from the finals I had today so let's gooooooooooooooooooooo

It had been several weeks since the incident at Terezi's house, and Eridan still found himself unable to push the guilt aside.

Every morning he woke up next to Feferi, with her luscious hair fanned onto her pillow and a small smile brightening her lips. Every morning he'd take her hand and wake her up with a kiss on the nose in order to see that happiness in her eyes and the rosiness on her cheeks. It was always the highlight of his day, just to see her alive and happy as always.

He hadn't hurt her yet.

He'd pull her into his chest and run his fingers through her soft hair because he just loved how she'd relax even more when he'd do that.

He loved her, he just did. There was no reason for him not to, and maybe that's why he felt so bad every morning.

Every morning, he couldn't help but remember the sun shining in his eyes, burning through his head as he hid under the blankets that certainly weren't his. He constantly felt his arms around him, and the warmth that he came with. He felt his kiss on his lips when he would kiss her. He lingered with him, even when she was all he had and all he needed.

He needed to tell her.

"Feferi," he whispered to her.

She looked up to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Yes?"

Her eyes. Her eyes were so easy to get lost in, for they were perfectly aqua colored, and they held her in them. His heart stopped as he looked at her, as if he had never seen her before. Then, like every single morning, he let go of the thought and said, "I love you."

She smiled again, and he absolutely melted. She never had the right to be so pretty. "I love you, too."

He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. "I love you... but I've got to go to work. I promised I'd come in slightly early today to help with this huge project, and-"

"-It's okay," she cut him off. "Go ahead. Have a nice day, okay?"

He forgot how to talk for a moment. After all those years, she still left him breathless. "…Okay. You too."

He meant it.

He then proceeded to plant one more kiss on her forehead before getting up, getting dressed, then heading out the front door, far too much on his mind.

Like every morning, as soon as he got in his car, he glanced down at his phone. There were still no notifications from him, and in a way, that was probably for the best. No more further lying, no more hiding up, no more terrible guilt.

A few months and then tell her.

He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. After a bit, he opened them and stared at his number. Like every day, he let his finger rest over the "call" button. He then closed the tab and turned off his phone, leaning back against the car seat.

Maybe he had completely forgotten about him. Maybe that passion wasn't emotional at all. Maybe he was never even real.

He felt a bit of pain when he realized it was completely plausible that he had truly wanted nothing to do with him, or that Eridan was just a speck in his memory. He felt a pulling at his chest as he thought of that.

Then again, it was possible that he lingered over the "call" button every morning, too.

Fuck that. It was time for work. He started the car and rolled down the windows slightly, putting on the radio, hoping that music could overpower his unnecessary thoughts. Romance could wait.

But who would even call such a thing "romance"?  
\---------------------------------------------  
His work day was slightly more busy than average, though his "average" was what some would call a "mental breakdown point". He had occasionally gotten texts from Feferi, asking him where he had put something, or how he was doing, or just a text reminding him that she loved him. It distracted him in more ways than one, for even seeing her name sent a wave of guilt through him.

Hell, he couldn't even think of his girlfriend without being reminded of him.

Long story short, he had spent the entire day working and overthinking the little things, such as when his car's next oil change was, or if he still had his house keys on him. It was to distract himself, sure, but it was hard to not get distracted from the distractions.

He glanced at the clock after staring at a computer screen for a "few" hours, editing a coworker's manuscript.

It was half past seven.

He changed the formatting for the citations and logged out of the computer, leaving the workplace for the day.

As he stepped out, he called Feferi, as usual.

Everything was going "as usual", every day getting painfully more average as the last.

"Hi!" she picked up after a couple of rings, voice as cheery and smooth and perfect as always. He smiled to himself, because how lucky could one be?

"Hey…" he hesitated. "I just got out of work. How's it going?"

She hummed to herself through the phone. "It's going alright. I've got to stay after hours today, large project."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, nodding to nobody. "Oh, okay." He scanned the street before asking, "Is there anything you want me to do for you?"

She laughed, and he froze because she was too freaking cute. "Actually, yes."

"Alright, what is it? I'd…" his voice trailed off.

"You'd what?"

He clicked his tongue, feeling as if he was an awkward freshman talking to his crush. "I'd do anything for you, I'm saying."

"Oh, well same." he could hear her charming smile through the receiver. "I love you."

"Yeah, and I love you, too. And what is it exactly you want me to do?"

"Getting to that," there was a pause. "I just forgot that we ran out of printing paper back at home. Do you mind going to the store and maybe grabbing a pack or two? I'm going to have to print some things this upcoming week and, you know, you can't really print on napkins."

He exhaled sharply. "I get it, and I'll do just that." For some reason, her work place lacked a printer, which happened to be extremely inconvenient, unsurprisingly.

"Thanks! I've got to get going now, but I'll see you tonight."

"'See you tonight, Fef."

"I love you, Eridan."

And before he could quite respond, she hung up. He was left with a tone ringing in his ear. "I love you too…" he muttered to the empty line before hanging up and shoving his phone back in his pocket.

He collected his stuff and shoved it in the back seat of his car before getting in the driver's seat and heading to Staples.

His breathing was a bit shallow, but that might have just been from talking to Feferi. She always did that to him. Or maybe it was just the stress from work getting from him. He had way too many thoughts running through his mind. He went down the list, making sure he had done everything that his boss had asked him to do. Overthinking things like that wasn't exactly a healthy thing to do, but since when was anything healthy?

Before he really knew it, he arrived at Staples. It helped that there was little to no traffic since it was way past afternoon rush-hour, so he wouldn't have to worry for too long.

He closed off his mind and stepped out of his car, locking the doors. Leaning against the dashboard for a split second, he breathed in the cool night air, trying his best to relax. However, "relaxing" isn't always the easiest thing to do. He hadn't been able to relax properly since before the whole situation happened.

After a full minute went by and he decided that there was no use in trying, he opened his eyes and headed inside.

Paper, paper, paper, paper.

He kept his head down and walked as quickly as possible to the paper aisle. It wasn't an extremely anxiety-inducing thing, buying printing paper, but he was still freaking out a bit in his mind. He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying his best to push any thoughts away that happened to be about him.

He should have stopped thinking about him weeks ago. They weren't even supposed to know each other. He had Feferi, and life was great.

Oh life was so great!

His inner voice sped up and thoughts seemed to crowd around him like gnats. It was almost too much. He started walking faster, eyes still on the ground, wondering where the fucking paper aisle was.

All of a sudden, he ran head on into someone, knocking him back to reality. "Oh shit, sor-" He cut himself off when he saw exactly who that 'someone' was.

Sollux.

All he could hear was ringing. His head started hurting suddenly, and he forgot how to breath exactly. All he found himself able to do was to stare at him, throat closing up.

"…Eridan?"

He choked. "Uh, huh, yeah."

He didn't respond, just looked away slowly. There was a solid minute where neither of them spoke. Awkward silence seemed to fill the entire store before Sollux scoffed and muttered, "You know, out of all the places I'd think I'd see you, Staples has never been one of them."

"Feferi… paper…" was all he got out.

"Your girlfriend needs paper?"

He nodded, mouth still agape and heart still in shock.

"Well that's fair enough, I guess."

"Yeah…" he clenched his teeth together. "Do you know where it is? Printing paper?"

"Oh, the paper. What size?"

"8.5 by 11, if I remember correctly."

He nodded and lead him to a separate aisle. Eridan held his breath, because none of this could be real. He watched him search the shelves with concentration, still finding himself amazed at the level of concentration he could put into something so small as to finding paper. "Specific brand?"

"Uh… no. Just, anything that's that size I suppose."

"Alright then, here," he picked up a couple of packets. "I'll pay for it."

"What?! No, no you don't have to, I swear! It's really okay," alarms went off in his head for some reason. He was just a… stranger helping out another stranger with a small deed such as buying inexpensive printing paper. He grabbed his arm as if to stop him from going anywhere, but then let go once he realized how warm he was.

People give off body heat. It's not something to think about. Stop it.

"Trust me, it's alright." He started walking to the front of the store, Eridan close behind.

"Sollux, I…" his name felt a little too comfortable on his tongue. "…It's fine, I swear. I appreciate the gesture, but you really don't have to!"

"Don't worry about it," he smiled to himself.

He opened his mouth but then caught the small smile playing on his lips. He suddenly couldn't speak anymore and decided it was a good idea to not protest.

He stood behind him, head down, as he paid a scrawny looking teen for it. "Have a nice night," the kid said in a naisly voice, as if he had ten hours of homework back at his house, which was entirely possible.

The two walked out together, not saying anything. The nightly breeze blew through Eridan's hair as he lead him to his car silently. He unlocked the backseat, took the paper, and threw it on top of a growing pile of printed out emails and manuscripts.

"Damn," Sollux whispered to himself. "What do you work as?"

He laughed uncomfortably. "Do you really want to know?"

"Maybe?"

He nodded vaguely. "Something really boring, let's leave it at that. And stress inducing."

"Got it. Boring and stress inducing, sounds like the perfect job."

Eridan slapped him lightly on the arm, once again surprised at his warmth.

The two of them stood in awkward-ish silence again, leaning against the car door. Eridan let himself fade away into his mind once again, pushing away all strange thoughts and questions. It felt weird to be next to him again, fully sober in a nearly empty parking lot at nearly eight at night. But in a way, it felt sort of nice. It was a beautiful night, and it could be a bit romantic if…

No. No it couldn't be romantic. How would it be? Why would it be? They had sex once when they were both completely wasted, that's not any reason to have feelings for someone. They didn't even know each other.

Screw endorphins!

Eridan suddenly snapped back to reality and said a little too loudly, "I thought you forgot."

He laughed. "You thought I forgot? About what?"

He shrugged, not really wanting to say it out loud. "You know…" he cleared his throat and rolled his eyes. "Terezi's house. That whole dilemma." In a way, he sort of hoped that Sollux hadn't forgotten. He hoped that he had been repeating the entire encounter in his head the same way that Eridan had. He hoped he had stared at his phone, wondering exactly what to do every single day like he did. He hoped that the memory never left his head, so that maybe he wouldn't be suffering through the guilt completely alone.

Sollux swallowed and looked down. "Of course I haven't forgotten."

His heart caught in his throat. "How so?"

"How so what?"

He hesitated. "…How so have you not forgotten?" He caught his eyes and he was once again falling deeper into them. "How often do you remember?"

"Why are you asking?" he questioned sharply.

He found honesty to be the best policy. At least he could be honest somewhere, even if it was just a parking lot outside of a Staples. "Because I remember often. I think about it… a lot."

He rolled his eyes and lowered his voice. "I have a feeling that you want me to say that I can't stop thinking about you." He looked up at the stars. "That I can't go an hour without wondering where you are, that I wish that I was a bit more sober so I could remember a bit more."

Eridan shivered a bit. It was cool outside. "And?"

"And that's all true… but I won't say it." He looked down from the sky to his shoes.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like it, obviously."

He looked away, swallowing. "Yeah, neither do I." He tried to find what to say, and all he got out was, "I also wonder… what really, uh, happened."

He shifted. "I think you know fully well what really happened."

His heart started beating way too fast. "That's not what I mean. I mean, I wish I could remember better… you…" He tried his best to quickly find a way to explain what he wanted to say. "I wish I could recall exactly what you did, if that makes any sense," he added on, in case it didn't.

"Well what do you remember?"

He turned quickly back to him so that they were both facing each other. He hadn't realized how close they actually were in the first place. "What do you mean?"

"Tell me what you remember from that whole thing. I'm just curious."

"Oh," he broke eye contact. "I remember that you and I were talking and drinking. You told me about your eyes and…" he looked back at him and his voice trailed off. He hated how just one look in his eyes made his heart stop.

"And?"

"And I really liked them. I really do. I, uh, think about them." He felt Sollux take his hands and he became breathless again. Even just his touch against his palm made him crazy.

"Continue."

"We were talking and then started kissing because the lighting was really, really nice. Then there was this bed and there was much more kissing, and then I remember how you felt-" he cut himself off and looked down. He felt dizzy. It was all a bit confusing, honestly. He was trying his best to not spill the details he explicitly remembered, because saying them out loud would make them real.

But did he want them to be real?

"-Your lips were soft, I know that. I know that so was your hair. So was your touch."

"Explain."

"Why?"

"Please?"

He didn't want to say no, so he just continued, eyes still on the ground. "Once we were in the bed, you had your hands under my shirt and the feeling was so warm yet cold and it made me crazy. I wish it didn't, but your lips were so intoxicating and you-" he was cut off when Sollux placed his hands on his hips all of a sudden.

"This okay?"

"Uh…" he swallowed. "Yeah. Yeah, that's good."

"Continue."

"Okay, so, um, that whole thing had happened. Then your shirt was gone and then eventually mine and I was really attracted to you, which I don't know is wrong or not. You were on top of me and it was…" his voice trailed off once again, and was replaced with a sort of sigh. The other had put a hand under his shirt and was trailing his fingers along his side. The cool air was suddenly too humid.

"Just tell me to stop."

He shook his head. "Don't stop."

"Then why'd you stop talking?"

He tried his best to shoot him a dirty look, but realized he couldn't really move once he saw the smirk on his lips. He decided to keep going, "You were on top of me and there was a lot of feeling. A lot of sensations. Clothing kept coming off because it kept feeling too tight, I think, and everytime something would come off it felt very, uh, good. Then things started happening and it hurt at first and then it didn't, I guess. That's the majority of what I remember."

"Good," his voice was low, and it made his heart flutter. His other hand started trailing his side and shivers went down his spine.

Eridan finally looked up at Sollux. His face was a bit flushed, but who was he to tell? Feeling as if he should do something in return, he put his hands up on his shoulders, playing with the fabric of his shirt. He stared at his lips for some unknown reason. He tried to recall what they felt like against his own, but it wasn't the easiest sensation to remember.

It wasn't the easiest thing to recognize you want to remember, either.

He was so close. Eridan could feel his breath against his own, and he suddenly couldn't think. The world was tuned out and all that mattered was this stranger in front of him. His thoughts finally dispersed, giving him relief from the stress he had put on himself throughout the day, thank God.

Who knows what just one look can do. All he wanted to do was kiss him.

Their lips. Their lips were practically touching. They were an inch apart, and all it would take was one turn of a head. There was a sort of tender tension that hung in the air, however. It was different than when they were drunk. There was hesitation and wonder, as if neither of them wanted to actually take the risk because Hell, there's no going back after that. Once it would happen, they would both recognize their individual faults which would eventually come with haunting guilts.

But how else are you supposed to find out?

"Can I?" Sollux whispered to him.

Eridan nodded.

Before he knew what was happening, they had locked lips. A wave of shock yet pleasure went through him. He went limp in his arms, letting his guard down completely.

His lips were soft, sure, but they were just so hypnotizing. He didn't know what he was expecting, but what he felt definitely wasn't it. Everything seemed okay for a split second. The world was completely at peace, which is strange if you think about it. He lent all his trust to a guy he didn't even know because he made everything go away. There was no stress, no problems, no girlfriend.

He felt a hand go up to rest on his jawline, causing more chills to flow through his body. The world had closed around the two of them, and all thoughts were lost. It all felt so delicate. When they were drunk, Eridan remembered the loss of shame, how all common sense was lost and therefore replaced with instinct. But in that moment, it was quiet, soft, and soothing. It was comforting.

It was terrifying.

Little did he know, Sollux had the same impression of the whole situation.

He had previously remembered the feeling of holding the other close, and had been constantly wondering if that feeling came from his lack of soberness. He had questioned if the beating in his chest came from his alcohol consumption or the one standing in front of him. However, his answer was practically painted on the inside of his eyelids.

It was absolutely horrifying.

The two leaned back slowly, opening their eyes only to stare at the gravel covering the parking lot. Their suspicions were unfortunately correct, which made the both of them feel sick. Eridan dropped his hands from his shoulders and mumbled, "That was nicer than I thought it would be."

He nodded. "Mhm."

"I mean…" he hesitated, trying to find what exact words to use. "I thought it would be good but not exactly, um, nice." He looked up at him, catching his eyes and falling into them again as if they were pools of honey.

"I get it," he responded sadly. "Like in a way you hope that nothing would really happen because, obviously." They stood in silence for a solid minute, staying as still as possible, trying to register what had happened. The sky was dark and the only light they had were the flickering overheads. It wasn't easy to think in the dark. Finally, Sollux decided to speak up again.

"But hey, at least we know we have feelings," he laughed. "I mean, how stupid would it be if we realized that we only found each other hot under the influence?"

Instead of answering the question, Eridan just changed his tone. "You think I'm hot?"

He broke eye contact, a little surprised at the sudden change of conversation. "I mean, yeah. I guess." Eridan didn't respond, so he just continued. "You just are, you know? Like-" he was suddenly remembered of his thoughts during their first encounter, and took his hands in his- "you're a freakin' king. What, with all these rings?" he smiled. "And you've got this way of just going with the flow of everything, which is literally perfect." He ran a hand through his dark hair. "Your hair, too."

"My hair?" he scoffed.

"It's really soft!" he cried just for the humor of it. "Even when it's messy, even when you have just woken up, it's just so attractive." He put a hand on his face, and things had become intimate again. "And your freckles. They're barely there, but they're cute. They complement your eyes really well, which I know is a random thing to say, but it's true. Then there's your fucking hipster glasses…" he rolled his eyes before adjusting them on the bridge of his nose. "I'm stupidly attracted to you."

Eridan giggled before reclosing the distance between the two of them. He accepted the sensations running through his body, even though he knew he would regret it a moment after. He began to accept it all, even the hand through his hair, the hand under his shirt, and the hand eventually against the small of his back that seemed to be his only support in life, for he was completely weak in the knees.

He even accepted it when he found his back being pinned to the car door.

It was all so distracting, and right from wrong was mixed. All he was doing was going with his instinct, trying his very best to follow along. The kiss grew tougher as the seconds went by, as the two of them got more into it.

It's easy to get lost in the touch of a stranger.

Sollux had eventually pulled back and started (lightly) kissing his neck, trying to not make any bruises. The less evidence that was left, the better. But still, adrenaline ran through his veins and it was hard to keep the kisses soft. He found a junction between his neck and jaw and focused on it, causing Eridan to let out a sort-of hum.

Then it all came flooding back to him.

His hum, it echoed in his head. It stung and floated around in there like a bug. He recalled his vague memory of those hums turning into moans as the night went on, and suddenly, he needed to hear them again. He was curious on how his pleasured voice sounded on sober ears, and the thought of that plagued his mind until he mastered the courage to give him one last kiss on the lips and then lean back slightly.

He stared at his lips, contemplating his own rushing thoughts.

Eridan smiled sadly. "What?"

He took a moment before responding, trying to decide what exactly to say. Unable to properly express the way he felt, he just summed it up in a quick sentence.

Voice low, he said, "I need you."

Eridan almost choked. No. This couldn't be real.

Yet as far as he could tell, it was the realest thing that had ever happened to him.

He froze for a minute, feeling shivers go down his spine, before saying (to both of their surprise), "then have me."

He scoffed. "Where?"

"-Backseat."

He raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"

No. "Yeah." His brain had logged off. "I mean, where else?"

He shrugged. "Fair enough. Let's go."

Eridan nodded, swiveled away from him, and threw open the door. As soon as the two of them were inside, he slammed it shut and turned to him. "Now we...?"

Sollux didn't meet eye contact. He ran a hand through his hair and muttered, "I assume we figure things out. See what we really want." He finally looked at him and said, "I think we should just start again where we left off."

He nodded slowly, trying his best to not make anything more awkward than it already was. He leaned in closer to him once again, and held his breath. Once again, the other closed the minute distance. He felt his eyes close and a smile forming on his lips. Even just one kiss could save him.

The pace picked up again, and all there was was touch. Fingers tracing skin, hands through hair, lips against collarbones (and the hums). He could basically feel the dopamine running through his blood, warming up his core with excitement and curiousity. It left him wanting more.

He had somehow found his way onto his lap, which was a little awkward positioning due to the fact that they were in the backseat of a car (but they made it work). Before either knew what was happening, they were holding each other so tightly that to an onlooker, it might have seemed like they were trying to mesh their bodies together into one. Thankfully, there were no onlookers.

He felt the other's hand go up his shirt, causing a few shivers down his spine. It all seemed so... real. Real as in the sense that it was all a lucid dream. He pulled back and threw off his glasses because they were getting in the way. He didn't hesitate to dive right back in.

At one point or another, his shirt came off. The cold air hit him and he suddenly felt exposed. It was rather embarrassing to have so much skin showing in front of a stranger, but said stranger really didn't seem to mind. Instead, he just ran his hands up his torso and what the fuck.

Eridan felt his heart and mind racing each other. He fell easily into his control, reminding himself to breathe between kisses and groans so that he wouldn't pass out.

Eventually Sollux had lost his shirt, too, and the two of them were left staring at each other blankly. Hearts pounding, breath heavy, thoughts of reasoning and confusion threatening to come out, yet still locked away. They stared at one another like the stranger wasn't even human. They each saw threat in the corresponding other, yet also recognized a sort of trust.

Yes or no?

"What now?" Eridan broke eye contact.

"Your choice."

He returned to keeping his gaze steady. He considered all the doubts in his mind, and desperately tried to swat them away.

This was a stranger, he could use his weakness against him and turn him into someone he didn't want to be. He could be doing it all on purpose. He could have been plotting his plan since the beginning.

But, why? Wouldn't such a person have made his mark already?

Consider this, Sollux will become obsessed with him and will begin following him everywhere. He'll need to address a restraining order to keep him away, and all Hell would break loose.

Eridan, stop being so full of yourself.

Or the worst option: Nothing would go wrong.

He'll find solitude and hope in his eyes and suddenly dopamine won't matter and Feferi won't be real and all that will be left is this stranger whose name sounds like a curse and whose eyes reflect stars. All that will be left will be him, his temptations, and this foreigner to his mind.

He couldn't answer to that thought.

But still, he wondered. He wondered so hard what it would be like exactly, to have his lips everywhere and to feel his skin and exactly how he looked and-

He regretted his future choices before he even "decided".

He wanted desperately to say no, yet his curiosity sparked him and shocked him to the point of no return. It would be lame to stop there. He had to try him out, just once. One time out of wonder then never again out of fear.

And with that, he opened his own Pandora's Box by crashing their lips together once again. He felt it all escape, all the demons, all the confusion, all the hatred packed up inside of his Box of a mind. They flew around his head and circled the two of them so close that he wanted to pull Sollux in closer and closer to get farther away from these devils.

He felt dizzy, as if he was getting intoxicated on this stranger. He tasted like honesty, like comfort, like two sides to an unknown story that was folding out between the two of them.

Clothes were too tight for comfort.

It barely hurt in ratio to the pleasure.

It was almost too much, yet never enough.

These evil thoughts circled him as he realized that none of his memories had been a fantasy. They were real, but faded. The ones he was currently making were never to fade.

He knew that he was making mistakes, and he was aware on his impact he was doing upon himself. He refused to believe it, sure, but in his belief of denial, he shared his thoughts that there was something to deny.

Even afterwards he refused to take into account the damage he had really done. He was too busy being held and kissed gently by a quiet lover, his skin warm and flushed and his body marked and his questions hesitantly answered.

After a quarter of an hour they threw back on their clothes, kissed goodbye, and hoped that all that had happened was really just a dream.  
\---------------------------------------------  
Eridan drove home, hands still shaky. The traffic lights seemed to mock him for what he had done, the other drivers seemed to know, even the way his reflection looked back at him in disgust proved that he had done wrong.

Was it wrong to like such a thing?

Pulling into the driveway, he checked his clothing and hair, making sure it didn't look like he had just been fucked in the backseat of his own car.

Check clear.

He grabbed his belongings and Feferi's paper, dropping everything the moment he got inside. Feferi still wasn't home yet, and the house was silent. For once, he could hear himself think.

He didn't bother turning on the lights, he just paced slowly around in the dark, thinking about not thinking. After a bit, he realized that it was certainly not worth trying anymore, shook his head, and headed upstairs.

He changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, doing all while refusing a glance in the mirror. He was a pitiful sight to see anyways.

He laid in bed for a while, trying to close his mind from everything he had dragged himself through. Even when he started getting a headache, even when tears started streaking down his face, even when even breathing turned to sobs, he kept on staring at the ceiling and thinking.

The only thing that brought him out of his daze was a buzz from his phone. He put back on his glasses and squinted at the screen, feeling sick.

Sollux: Lunch next week?

He had to have been hallucinating it all. Nothing was real. The nausea that hit him and the way it got harder to breathe weren't real. Sollux wasn't real.

He had already used up all his brainpower by staring at the ceiling for a solid hour, so he relied solely on impulse. He once again, begged himself to say no. To block the goddamn number and to pretend that nothing ever happened. Unfortunately for him, convincing never works when it's yourself that you're trying to convince.

Eridan: Sure.

He threw his phone back down, began sobbing again, and after running out of tears and consequences for his actions to think over, he promptly set his head down, thought "and here's a problem for another day", and went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp that was that!  
> Once again, comments will always be appreciated.  
> I own this story at FanFiction.net as well.  
> I will most likely continue this, but the chapters will probably be not too frequent since writing takes a lot ;/
> 
> Speaking about that uhhhhhhh tomorrow is my English H final. Wish me luck :,)
> 
> Cya!  
> -reallyquitegay


	3. The Rule

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!  
> It is I.  
> Thank you so much for all those lovely comments and kudos!! They really inspired me to write another chapter :)  
> So uhhhh, here's Sollux being iconic and Eridan being a mood.  
> Let's goooooooooofdskfds
> 
> -reallyquitegay

Nope, nope, nope.

Actually, two weeks had passed since Sollux had decided to send such a lethal text message. Their schedules conflicted often, so it wasn't until Tuesday, two weeks after the original proposal, that the two were able to meet up.

Such plans had changed. They had decided just to get coffee at the local-ish coffee shop because that's a shit ton more casual than a lunch-date-thing. The less formal it was, the easier they would sleep.

Still, Eridan had made sure that his hair was done just the right way, that his teeth were clean and fine, that his nails didn't appear as bitten-up as usual, and so on. He felt butterflies in his chest, sort of the same kind of when he first started seeing Feferi.

But no.

Nothing like that.

He buttoned up his shirt to the collar, a decision he reflected on while driving to the cafe. He had been overthinking his appearance, and decided it was best to keep himself as (non-obviously) covered up as possible. The less suggestive he was, the least likely anything beyond a platonic meetup would happen.

They met in the shop shortly after 10:00am. Just as scheduled.

The two wandered in together without saying a word, or even giving the other a glance. They sat down at a table made for two, and only then did they bother to meet eyes.

There was a beat.

"Hello," Sollux smiled.

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Fairly good. And you?"

"I'm doing fine."

Toxicly boring conversation: check.

The less they really talked, the less would end up happening. If Eridan could have written his life out, he would have had himself meet Sollux for about an hour, give him a goodbye, and evidently leave for work.

Life isn't completely known for following what's written though, is it?

"So, uh..." he rubbed the back of his neck. "Why did you necessarily want to meet up again?"

He shrugged a bit too carelessly. "I realized I don't really know you. I know your name, but that's about it. I think you seem like an interesting person, and it would be nice to like, you know, get to know you better."

"Oh."

Eridan looked down at his shoes. When did he forget to tie them?

"Oh, huh?"

He looked up from his shoes, into the eyes of that stranger, and laughed.

"What?"

He leaned back in his chair and shrugged. "What do you work as?"

"I work customs at the airport."

"Really?"

"Mhm. It pays fairly, but it's kind of shitty, not going to lie."

He ran a hand through his hair. He had redyed it the night before in order to look cleaner, or something of that sort. He wasn't trying to impress Sollux, just prove to him that he wasn't a complete mess. You know, normal meetup things. "Nice."

"What about you?"

"We don't talk about my job."

He nodded. "Ah, right. Why is that?"

Eridan glared at the table. "It's stressful. It's basically just meetings, editing, manuscripts, etcetera."

He leaned his elbows on the table. "So a smart person job, huh?"

"I'd assume so. Smart enough to..." his voice trailed off.

"...To?"

He shook his head, smiling to ease a bit of tension, a habit he had been trying out. "Nevermind. Anyways. How did you meet Terezi?"

Sollux took a deep breath. "Oh God, Terezi. The classic Pyrope girl. We took the same driving crash course when we were sixteen. We exchanged numbers and after college, realized we had moved to the same area, and we became friends again."

"Remind me never to drive with you," he joked.

"Is that because Terezi's a shitty driver? I wouldn't be surprised."

"Oh, you would be," he scoffed, remembering the several instances he had almost gotten killed by the girl's reckless driving. If there was anything he feared more than death itself, it was Terezi behind the wheel. But then again, that was a death-sentence in itself.

"Eridan..."

He felt a twang of pain, yet interest when he said his name. He looked up quickly, no longer reminiscing on his Terezi nightmares.

"Yeah- uh huh?"

"Riddle me this. What are you like at amusement parks?"

"What?" he laughed.

"It's an interesting question!" Sollux gestured. "I read it online. You can learn a lot about people by asking that question. Like, do they like the games or the rides or the food or are they just a pussy and hate all things having to do with fun?"

Eridan shook his head. "No, no. I'm not a wimp, I swear. I like some rides, just not all. I'm more of the designated bag holder, you know? But I won't like... cry if you put me on a fucking roller coaster." That last part was a lie, of course.

"Fun. We should go sometime."

Oh shit.

Unable to bring himself out of the extremely shallow and dumb as fuck hole he was starting to dig, he decided to fall deeper into that lie.

"Yeah... yeah we should."

"When the weather gets warmer, you and I are heading out and going on some goddamn roller coasters. Aradia goes a bit insane on them, so yeah. I don't normally take her places like that."

He nodded. "Sounds smart." (It really didn't. He wanted to die.) Clearing his throat, he continued, "So I guess this isn't going to be the last time we see each other? I mean... I'm assuming."

"Who knows," he shrugged. "Unless you suddenly exhibit signs of a serial killer or something dumb as shit like that, I'll still think you're a pretty chill person. If you wouldn't mind, yes. We'll see each other again after today."

Eridan didn't respond. Instead, he stared at his hands, picking at his fingernails. He had hoped never to see him again. He wished that upon himself the morning after they first met. He regretted everything from that morning forwards and after seeing him again in Staples, he had vowed to never let it happen again. He had countlessly tried to convince himself that none of what had happened was his fault, but it's a bit hard to lie to yourself. The words, "we will see each other again," had set off a sort of bomb in his mind. He had no idea what to think, or what to feel, or what to want.

Of course he never wanted to see him again. He wanted to erase his memory of the stranger completely. He wanted to pretend as if nothing had happened, and wanted to forget so much that he didn't even remember his name. More than anything, he wished that Sollux never existed, or at least never existed in his storyline. He would do anything to erase that boy from his mind completely and permanently, but sadly, he was learning that that's not quite how it works.

As much as he wished he would disappear, he also wanted to see him every hour of every day. The thought of losing a person he never even knew killed him a bit inside. And the fact that he was making an effort to get to know Eridan didn't help at all. He would grow to miss his eyes, his blond hair, his careless behavior, the way he dressed, the way he undressed, the feeling of his lips, everything. It seemed silly, but he knew that some voice in his head would end up missing someone he barely had.

Feferi.

"Eridan?"

He looked up quickly. "Yes?"

"You good there?"

He let out a sharp exhale to lighten the stifling mood. "Yes. Yes, sorry."

"You do that a lot, I've noticed."

"Do what?" He could feel his heart in his chest.

"You daze out a bit. I don't know. You seem to overthink things a bit too much."

"Oh, I haven't really noticed that," he broke eye contact.

"It's fine, though! Don't worry about it. It's sort of cute," he smiled.

Eridan paused, holding his breath. He opened his mouth to maybe speak, but Sollux cut him off before he could say anything.

"Tell me about Feferi."

"Ah. Feferi." Poor, poor Feferi. "She's so sweet, the real perfect girl you know? She's so soft everywhere, even in her heart. She's got the biggest heart. She's funny, she's great, she's beautiful. There's nothing much to say bad about her. She's literally perfect. If you could ask me change one thing about her, I wouldn't be able to. She's just... she's Feferi. You know?"

"Sure."

He continued, "She's got everything going for her. She's just so compassionate, and honest, and everything I'm not. She's all the things I think of as 'good'. She's the good in my life. Everyday, I get to go home, and everyday, I get to see her. Even if it's just a smile, I feel like the world has stopped turning and that's just love, I guess. When something goes wrong, she's always there to help. She keeps me from being down just by being around. I say, 'wait for Feferi to get here', and suddenly, it's okay. She's hope. She's my hope." He stopped suddenly and looked down. That's why I can't lose her.

"That was the most I've heard you talk," Sollux shook his head.

"I'm sorry..." he muttered.

"No, no! It's a good thing. Your eyes just light up when you talk about her and it's a fun thing to see. You really are an interesting person to talk to, you know? I've never heard anyone talk about someone they love like that."

"What do you mean?"

"She's your hope. You speak of her like she's an angel, not a human. If I didn't know any better, I would think you're describing the embodiment of heaven down here on Earth. It makes me realize that I should probably start feeling that way towards Aradia."

He looked back up. "Don't you love her, though?"

He laughed. "Of course. She's my muse. She's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, but she sort of creeps me out sometimes. I don't feel as open with her as you do with Feferi. She's there for me, but I want to be there for her. It's a bit hard living like that."

"But you want to help her, because you care for her. That's love, isn't it?"

He shrugged. "I suppose. It feels a bit more like mutual respect. Kiss good morning, kiss goodnight. Our backs are always to each other when we're trying to fall asleep. She's not... She isn't very affectionate, I guess. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but maybe it's just the way she is."

Eridan clicked his tongue. More than ever, he was staring to realize his luck in having someone like Feferi in his life. She would let him hold her, and it really wasn't uncommon for him to wake up with her face buried into his chest. It had never occurred to him that some people had select things they weren't completely comfortable with, maybe. Even something as simple as a hug.

"But..." Sollux took a breath. "Aradia and I are a story for another day. We're both shitty people in a shitty world and I guess that's why we match. Enough said."

How can you possibly love someone if you have a limited amount to say about them?

"So, when do you have to get back to work?"

Eridan checked the time. "25 minutes. And you?"

"I'm off for the day. Unless there's a major delay, which is entirely plausible, I'm out of that goddamn airport."

He laughed. "Fun. Wish I could say the same for the office."

"Ask for a break sometime. You deserve one."

Eridan gave him a blank look in response.

"Oh c'mon! You should just call your boss up right now and say that you need a break. Or that you have plans or something."

"But... I don't have plans."

"Then come over my place, if it'll make you feel any better. Just for a little bit, to prove that you have more control over your work load than it does if you."

Come over his place? He had sworn to himself a million times, he would never again meet up alone with him.

"Okay."

Fuck.

He pulled out his phone and typed out a quick text message to his boss, before deciding to be more formal and copying and pasting it into a short e-mail. Without even thinking about it, he clicked send.

"Now we wait for a reply."

"What did you write?" he questioned.

"I told him that some plans came up, and I'm going to need to skip coming in for a bit today. I said I'd be in at around 2:00, because that gives me plenty of time to mill around. It feels a bit strange, not going to lie. I just hope he won't depromote me or something dumb like that. Not that he has such control over me, it would be a stupid reason to-"

A buzz from his phone cut him off.

"What did he say?"

A rare smile began to beam on his face. "He just said 'okay... sent from my iPhone'."

Sollux leaned back in his chair. "Yup, that sounds like a boss."

He felt a ton of stress fly off his soldiers. As the months had been rolling on, he had become more and more consumed in the idle practice of work. It was tiring, and though he enjoyed some of it, he was beginning to loathe most of it. He felt as if it had more of a hold on him than he did a hold on it. He had considered it a sharp foothold onto the capitalist system he had tried so hard to find a place in. After all that time, and all that hard work, never once had he thought of asking for a break. It had all felt so mechanical, but then, in that moment, it felt so humane.

But then there's the other dilemma.

"So... we're going to your place now I suppose?"

He shrugged "I mean, if you want. Aradia isn't home so we don't have to worry about an excuse for who you are."

"Where is she?"

He hesitated, "...I don't... I don't know actually. She told me she'd be home at 6, which is way before 2."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Fuck you, John."

Eridan scoffed. "Yeah, about that."

He had to make the rule clear. He had vowed to never do anything to hurt Feferi again, and if he could make Sollux vow the same, maybe the two of them could actually get along and become true, platonic friends.

What a thought!

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," he lowered his voice, "we shouldn't do anything at your house. We should keep it as friendly as possible. You know, no sex."

He nodded. "Okay, got it. No sex."

"Correct."

The two knew that all their questions were sufficiently answered, yet they still felt uneasy at the mere thought.

"So... should we be heading out then?"

"We didn't even order any coffee," Eridan smiled.

He stood up. "Who goes to a coffee shop and orders coffee?"

"True. Let's get going."

With that, they gave a nod to the barista and headed out.

"And whose car should we take?" Eridan asked.

"Why don't we take my car, and then afterwards I'll drive you back here so you can get yours back to go to work?"

"Sounds fair enough." He had considered offering to drive, but the thought of the two of them being in that same car together once again sent shivers down his spine. He wanted to risk nothing. Plus, his work was not far from the cafe itself.

The car ride was fairly silent, Sollux had put on the radio to drown their thoughts away.

Thankfully, before the awkwardness and tension could increase to its max, they arrived at Sollux and Aradia's house. It wasn't much smaller than his own, Eridan noticed. It was exactly what you would expect from a couple a few years out of college to own, if they were fairly well off.

He led the other inside. His house smelt of those forest air fresheners, the kind you'd get at Yankee Candle. It was a pleasant smell, and the farther into the home you walked, the warmer the atmosphere got. He felt a bit nostalgic walking into it, as if the place was some puzzle piece that had gotten lost from his heart a long time ago, and he was only finding it then.

"I like it."

"Thanks," he smiled to himself. "Now what are you up to? We could watch something, I could get you something to drink, I could leave you alone-"

"No!" he said sharply.

Sollux gave him a look.

"...No, you don't have to leave."

He nodded slowly, as if trying to process Eridan's response. "Alright then... So what is it you want to do?"

"We could watch something maybe?" That's a thing that normal humans do, huh? Watch things for entertainment?

"Sure." He went over to the couch, Eridan at his heel.

Turning on the TV, they shifted through the channels before finally settling on watching some sort of Nicolas Cage film.

"I once knew a guy who was obsessed with that actor," Sollux said. "He would never shut up about his love for Con-Air. Movie buffs, you know?"

"Right."

He laughed. "I'm sorry, are you a movie buff?"

He shook his head dramatically. "Oh no. I enjoy movies but I'm really not the type to sit down and research all that shit after watching some sort of Galactic sci-fi trilogy. I think it's fun just to enjoy it while it lasts, right?"

"Of course."

Eridan turned to him, and admired the way his eyes sort of gleamed in the shine of the television. Except he wasn't necessarily admiring the guy, just... pointing out to himself the beauty in the one sitting next to him.

"This is such a shitty film," Sollux laughed a bit to himself.

"Are you kidding? 'National Treasure' is one of the best of all times!"

"And you just said you weren't a movie buff."

"There's a difference between being a skwakiting geek versus having good taste!"

"Skwakiting?"

He shrugged comically. Not knowing what to say, he just swatted him lightly on the shoulder.

Aw, shit.

You never know how much you really enjoy someone's presence until you feel that they're there.

Slowly, he set his hand on his shoulder. Platonically. Strictly, perfectly platonically. Sollux didn't really seem to mind, nor to care. If he was freaking out silently, he was certainly trying and succeeding at holding it all in.

He then let go and tried a test to see if he was actually paying attention, or if he just didn't care about the other at all in that moment. Placing his hand next to the other's, he waited for him to take it. When he made no movement, Eridan gave up and took ahold of his hand.

He made no movement to pull away.

Out of curiosity, he squeezed his hand to see his response. He sent him a pulse back.

With a smile playing on his lips, he leaned his head on his shoulder. It couldn't harm anyone, could it? Of course not. It was all just a friendly gesture.

With his eyes still glued to the screen, Sollux put an arm around him. Strictly platonically. He was warm, and it was fairly cold out. Was there something wrong with holding something that's warm?

Without really knowing what he was doing, Eridan loosened his grip on the other's hand, brought it closer, and planted a kiss on it.

He finally turned to him, a bit out of surprise but a bit out of distraction. He was trying to think of something to say, but the more he thought the harder it was to actually speak. They once again had found themselves so close, not knowing nor really caring about who initiated the action to get like that. It was a bit too close for comfort, actually, but they weren't paying attention enough to notice that.

"Hi," Sollux gave a small smile.

"Hi," he returned one.

Without having a second thought, or really even a first, the two both closed their eyes and locked lips.

Just for a second.

Then it was over.

They broke apart, tension lingering in the air. Eridan felt a sort of cozy feeling in his chest, as if once again, everything was okay. He felt protected and completely safe, which was odd considering he was in the house of a "stranger". He wrapped his arms around the other and pulled him in closer to make sure that that feeling did not go away. So that his sense of safety would stay.

They stayed that way for a while, just holding each other and hoping that none of it would end. It was an extremely affectionate situation for two people who didn't even have feelings for one another, assuming they were telling the truth.

Oh look, and unreliable narrator!

After a solid ten minutes of distracting themselves with the movie, Eridan turned to him and muttered, "Did you plan this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I guess..." he exhaled. "I'm wondering if you set up this situation just so I could go home with you."

He shook his head. "'Had honestly no idea. It just kind of came to me back at the shop. I didn't mean for anything."

"Alright." Eridan could still feel his kiss lingering on his lips. He wasn't wondering anything anymore, he had already known what he wanted to know about the other. Yet still, curiosity and wonder lingered in his head. A voice told him to run away and head to work, another told him to never leave. The entire house had an autumn like atmosphere, and being so close to him made him think about sitting near the fireplace as a kid, where the only thing you wanted was to listen to the crackling of the fire. He smiled to himself, just thinking about it.

Sollux saw this small, shy smile, and though he tried to best to look away, he really couldn't. He started to play with his dark hair, which caused him to turn to look at him. He used that moment to give him another kiss.

But that time, they didn't pull back all the way. They let the feeling linger, their hands still locked. It was a strange sort of sensation, the tension that hung in the air. They mutually decided to not add more to said tension, and closed the gap once more.

At that third kiss, they did not pull away at all. The two admired the feeling of the other while holding each other gently. Though they both hated what they were doing, they only found it "smart" to not stop. Perhaps they just couldn't find it in themselves to pull away.

Eridan couldn't help but think about the softness of his lips, or the way he could feel his smile. He tasted sweet, and in that moment, Eridan felt as if he was addicted to sugar.

There was no build up, no nothing. It was purely out of doting want and need.

When they finally did pull back to catch their breath, they refused to meet eyes.

"So, uh..." Sollux stood up. "That wasn't against the rule, was it?"

"The rule?" He was dazed.

He ran a hand through his hair. "You know, what you said to me in the cafe. No sex."

"Oh, oh right." Of course, the rule! He had technically not broken any previously made promises yet, although he wasn't particularly proud of what he found himself doing. Still, maybe it was to distract himself or to just go along with the wrong, he stood up, threw his arms around his neck, and began kissing him again.

The thought of it being "too nice" haunted him, so in a terrible attempt to justify himself, he started to bite at his lip. He felt a hand go to the small of his back, and all he could think was "damn".

They went at each other for a few minutes, allowing the pace to pick up along with their own racing thoughts. The entire world seemed to be shut out, all possible light landed on blind eyes and all possible sound landed on deaf ears. Eventually, Eridan found that the only thing really keeping his knees from giving out was Sollux holding him up.

"Oh God," he muttered between kisses. He had no other way to express how he was feeling other to grab at the other's shirt. They were practically all over each other at that point, the only thing holding them back was the insisted on rule. They were completely tuned out to the world.

Seemingly.

Until the phone rang.

They stopped and drew back suddenly, standing still for a moment, a few feet apart. At the forth ring, Sollux shook his head and answered the phone.

"Hello?...Aradia, hi."

Eridan felt a pit grow in his stomach as he spoke on the phone. The name Aradia gave him chills. The way he spoke about her and the one time that he had seen her had given him a creepy vibe about her. She seemed a bit cryptic, as if she knew more than she was supposed to. Something about her constantly seemed off, but that might have been just because he didn't know her well enough to make any logic-based judgments.

He also couldn't help to feel a bit jealous towards her. She had Sollux, and therefore she could have him whenever she wanted. It wasn't that he'd pick the blond over Feferi, he just found it strange how such a nice guy could pick up such a weird girl. It bothered him how she didn't even show affection towards him. But then again, who was he to judge? All he knew was that being in his arms felt very good, and that the warmth of his lips was something like a gift to the universe.

Within the minute, he was off the phone.

"What did she want?"

He shrugged. "She was just checking in. She ran into someone we used to know and called me to make herself look busy."

"Mood."

"Now, uh..."

Where to start?

They took that moment as an opportunity to look the other up and down, and to consider the options. After considering about two of the billions, like a fucking dumbass, Eridan pulled himself back in. There was no harm in kissing, right?

He enjoyed the sensations, admiring the other on everything: from the way he smiled into it to the way he held him like there was no tomorrow. It was endearing. It was stupidly sweet, stupidly attractive. He allowed himself to got lost in his everything.

The next thing he knew, he found himself pinned back down to the couch. His heart was beating so hard in his chest, he felt about ready to die. Sollux, who was on top of him, had pulled back and looked at him as if he wanted to simultaneously kill him and give him the world. It sent his mind astray and he found it hard to catch his own breath.

"What now?"

Eridan shook his head. "No sex."

"Well, yes. But there's no clear point between a make out session and actua-" Eridan cut him off by grabbing him and pulling him back in. He didn't want to think, he just wanted to live it out.

They kissed and bit at one another, trying to show their want but also their hate of want and the same time. Eventually, Eridan had found a way to flip their positions so that he was straddling him without even breaking the kiss. "No sex," he murmured, to remind himself more than to remind the other.

Sollux put a hand on his jaw and nodded. "Mhm."

Hearing his voice sent shivers down his spine. He could feel dopamine and serotonin and all those other dumbass hormones plaguing his blood. He could feel fingers playing with the hem of his waistband, want lingering but logic and rules staying on top. He grasped at his shirt, wanting to rip it off but making sure not to touch anymore of his bare skin than he had to.

He felt hands drag up his sides, causing a shock to go through him. He couldn't help but to grind down. He didn't truly recognize how much he really wanted the other until that moment. He groaned at the feeling of the other against him.

He repeated the rule to himself over and over again in his head like a mantra. No matter what he did, he could not allow for them to get that far. It didn't matter how much he wanted it, he couldn't go any farther than a makeout. If not for himself, then for Feferi.

In need for more friction, he began to grind down even more. All he could feel was the other beneath him, his lips against his own, and the guilt in his heart. He desperately wanted to take the chance and give himself up to the other, but he knew that he was stronger than that.

They ran their hands over each other, needing to get under their clothes but being able to hold themselves back. The feeling of the two of them so close together was almost enough in itself. They continued to move their hips to meet the other's, trying to get off without actually getting off.

Before he could lose control, Eridan gave him one last kiss and pulled himself away. "We're not doing that," he muttered, out of breath.

Sollux sat up and ran a hand through his hair. '"Got it." They sat in a tensional silence for a good while before he pulled Eridan back into his arms. "But this is okay, right?"

He wouldn't have obliged if he wasn't the human embodiment of comfort. "Yes." There was a plus, he told himself. He knew that they could stop if they wanted to, which lead him to think that perhaps, they could get over their attraction and become good friends. Sometimes people go from friends to lovers, so why can't people also go from lovers to friends?

Good question.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eridan had stayed late at the office, trying to cram in as much as possible so that he wouldn't have to make up the work he missed when he was with Sollux during the next day.

He had driven slowly on the way home, making sure to "not have an accident", but also attempting to hold off from looking Feferi in the eye.

It wasn't that he cheated, was it? All he did was have a (maybe pretty intense) makeout with a new friend. No clothes came off, that was a plus, he supposed. He trusted himself to keep the secret, knowing full well it was only a matter of time until he had to come clean, not only to Feferi, but to himself. But for the moment, it was alright. For the moment, he could pretend as if nothing had happened, and that he had not agreed to make plans with him, and that he had been to work and only work that day. The gleam of headlights and the black cover of the sky concealed his worries as he drove home, distracting his mind with thoughts of manuscripts and statistics and appraisals and cash flows and other stupid shit he wished he didn't have to think about.

As soon as he got in the house, he felt Feferi run up behind him and throw her arms around him. He smiled, naturally. How could you not when you've got the most amazing girl clinging to you?

"When you said you'd be home later, you should probably specify three hours later!" she giggled, looking at him as if she hadn't seen him in three years.

"Fef, there's so much shit going on there, I'm sorry. If I could, I would have been home with you four hours ago."

"No," she shook her head, a smile lighting up her entire face. "It's alright. Let's just, head up now, alright?" She then grabbed him by his wrist with her soft touch and pulled him upstairs, collapsing on the bed the second she entered their room.

He stood there for a moment, looking at her with guilt dragging down his heart. He told himself over and over again that he had nothing to be ashamed of, he had done nothing to hurt her. It was becoming awfully hard to lie to his mind, believe it or not.

"Eridan," she sat up.

"Mhm?"

"I love you." She flushed a shade of pink and got up to walk over to him. "And I love you more than anyone. You're my only." His mind went blank as she looked at him, because suddenly all there was in the world was her and her perfect eyes, her twinkling smile, and her heart made of gold.

You're my only.

Not knowing what else to do, he locked their lips together. It was a better option than having to say anything back, because he feared he might accidently tell her. Instead, he just enjoyed the feeling of her kiss. She tasted of beauty, of life, and of love. He ran a hand through her dark hair, a reminder that she was real and that she wasn't going anywhere because she didn't know how he had hurt her. Each of her smiles pained him a little, but her happiness was of more importance than the aching in his heart.

She made slow movements, yet without him even noticing, she had lead the two of them to the bed without even breaking the kiss.

It felt different with Feferi, it felt better with Feferi. Not only did he feel safe, but he also felt at home. Like as long as she was there, nothing bad would happen. She repelled fear and sorrow. He wished he could stay glued to her side for forever, so that maybe, he would never feel the need to be with anybody else. She was enough. She was always enough, and she had always been enough. All that ever mattered was her.

Friendship with another was fine. Love with one and only was the only way to live. Because of her, his heart was beating. Because of her, he believed in love.

When they finally pulled apart, she gave him a smile that glowed like the stars. He couldn't help but return it. She pulled herself into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her and protecting her from anything that could possibly hurt her.

Even if that thing was himself.

Within minutes, she had fallen asleep. He planted a kiss on the top of her head, and without a second thought, pulled her closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for getting through that!  
> (can you tell im madly in love with feferi lmao)  
> Let me know if you want another chapter, I'll gladly write more if so :)))
> 
> Reviews are appreciated <3
> 
>  
> 
> -reallyquitegay


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